As I was cleaning up my inbox, I found our old messages on how we began to talk. It's about this time last year did we really start communicating. It's a little funny really, how one push of a digital button can open the door to lead down a winding path we've been on.
I know it's a little premature - since our relationship and dynamic didn't really begin until later on this month.
It made me smile, reading over our past conversations. I could see the blooming interest slowly budding then blossoming.
When you first found me, I was in a dark place. A very dark, deep, horrible place of which- I doubted I'd be happy again for a very long time. So many things were happening around me, it felt like my life was falling apart at the seams. Someone I had thought I'd spend my life with- was suddenly cut out. My mother I was terrified was going to pass away from cancer, and me? At that time I was terrified that I might be starting to follow behind her by being diagnosed with cancer myself. Instead, it was still something serious, and devastating. I was angry. Angry, skeptical, and scared.
I read over our conversations and I remember actually laughing at some points in my mother's hospital room. Or at night, curling up to peek at my phone to see any final words from you.
You made me smile when I was in the midst of tears.You shined light on corners and crevices of my mind of which I had forgotten about. You took my hand and helped guide me through a black tunnel of which felt.. Endless...
You rekindled something I had abandoned a long time ago.
Hope.
You gave me things to dream about again. And... As desperate or crazy as it may sound, you gave me direction to go in my life again.
You make me want to push longer, work harder, become better.
Even when I'd kick, scream, snap, or tear into you. You were and still are every patient with me. Even when you are angry too (Even today, still ever patient.) You know how to read my actions when sometimes- even I don't understand why I do things.
Soon- in just a few short days I'll be in your arms again. We can once again sleep tangled in a mess of limbs and whispered murmurs of adoration. I didn't realize it until now- but it's right in time for our 1 year anniversary of when I took your consideration collar, and we began our adventure.
I don't know how far, or how long this road we're on will go. But, I'm happy to go down it with you.
I love you, Master.
