For the majority of you, this writing may be irrelevant. The number of Domly Ones who have psychic abilities is astronomical. Just ask them. They instinctively know what a sub needs, what they want and exactly the perfect way to achieve it each and every time.
For the rest of us we actually have to COMMUNICATE. Ugh! I hate it when that happens. Trying to express how I feel or what I need is hard. My attempts sound something like this:
Me: Domly One?
Domly One: Yes, baby girl? (raised eyebrow, slight smile, evil glint in his eyes)
Me: I feel .......
Domly One: Tell me.
Me: I feel .......
Domly One: What is it, little one?
Me: I feel ...... blechy
On any given occasion, blechy can mean; horny, frustrated, lonely, cold, bored,
hungry, bitchy, ticklish, tired, etc, etc
My particular Domly One is not one blessed with the oh-so-common psychic powers of absolutely EVERY Domly one who tells me, "I know what you need."
So, fellow sublettes, what are our options? The Domly Ones want to know what we think and feel. It is listed in their handbook that they must ask at least 12 unanswerable questions per week. (Don't ask me how I know this. Let's just say my best friend knows where a body is buried). But if they don't ask ..... what then?
Enter dreaded TFTB! Topping From The Bottom. Please come back! Don't run in fear. TFTB causes an instant reaction in the Domly ones that terrifies us meek and humble servants-of-their-deviant-desires. We fear their reprisals and damnation for committing the 2nd Deadly Subbie Sin. (The first being sending hooha pics that weren't solicited in advance. Just learned that one myself). We shiver and shake when we hear TFTB. It turns us sublettes into tattletales akin to those in the Salem Witch trials. You've never seen subbies turn on each other faster than the minute they hear TFTB. See? I can't even spell it out because I need to be able to sit this week.
Me: Domly One?
Domly One: Yes, babygirl?
Me: I need to be beaten (maybe for fun I'll even be on my knees with a crop in my hand, but maybe not)
Domly One: Works for me!
Now, if I post this on Fet, here is what would happen....
True Sublette: HOW DARE YOU TELL THE DOMLY ONE WHAT YOU NEED! YOU AREN'T A REAL SUB! WHO ARE YOU TO MAKE DEMANDS OF THE DOMLY ONE?!?! YOU LOATHSOME BITCH! CRAWL BACK INTO YOUR FAKE SUBBIE PROFILE AND NEVER SPEAK AGAIN!
Brown-nosing Sublette: I'd never tell the Domly one what I need. It's up to Him to decide what He wants to give me. All hail the Domly One.
Feisty Sublette:* Race you to the bedroom?*
All Knowing Sublette: Eeeek. You're Topping From The Bottom. You don't deserve a Domly One. He should never beat you again.
Perfect Sublette (shout out to SubtlePrincess19): I need whatever you need.
Every Other Sublette On The Planet: Ooo, Ooo, ME NEXT!!! I need it too.
Newbie Sublettes: What in the hell are you people talking about? Do I tell him or not?
Ultimately, it really is about communication.
Communication is the key to getting to know each other, understand each other and best meet each others' needs.
If you need a beating, tell him. You may not get it, but at least he knows. If you need to cuddle, tell him. You may not get it, but he will respond. If you need orgasm denial, tell him. He might turn it into forced orgasms, but you can bet he'll be thinking about denial in the near future. If you need to be centered, tell him. Experiment with different things until you find what works for you.
You may have been together for a million seconds or a million years but you are changing and he is changing. It is okay to say you want soft/cuddly one day and have your ass ripped to shreds the next. It doesn't make you a liar or a fake. It doesn't mean you are crazy or deceptive. It means your needs change.
What I've decided for myself (with the help of some interesting discussions) is that TFTB is when you are in the middle of a scene saying, "You missed a spot." Communication is after a scene (or any other time that you aren't in the middle of it) openly expressing the part of you that wants to say, "Gimme, gimme, gimme!"
More importantly, communication; whether by posting a writing on Fet, writing it in chalk on your driveway, making cupcakes covered with your words, screaming at the top of your lungs, or smoke signals; is whatever you two decide it is.
Express yourself freely and ignore people who tell you are wrong for doing exactly that. They will communicate in their way, you do it in yours.
I prefer packing a suitcase, draining the bank account and standing at the door pouting.... but whatever works, works. If it doesn't work, try something else. Or, consider finding a psychic Domly one.
Guess now would be a good time to plug the airplane banner company I just purchased