under 50 days!!!! Whoohoo!
Sadly, this one will be brief as time is running short today.
I've had a very productive day. Woke at 4am to bike (15 km) and "meet" Master after He got home from work. Had some lovely conversations, watched an episode of a show W/we are enjoying together... went to work and had 7 out of 8 classes (that is insane btw) ran home, cooked for kiddo, cleaned house and ran out to the Dr. Got back and did homework. Biked another 20 km and just put her down to bed. I've cooked what He picked for today (ginger, onion, garlic, and carrot soup with a bit of browned noodles and the "oldest bread in the world") No, not mouldy oldie... the first type that still exists and is made today.
And now I sit to write. As I was on my bike I ran through dozens of memories... how to pick what to write about today. I settled on "I LOFF you!" and Peanut Butter.
My forever best friend used to have a rule against saying "I love you" ... now the particulars of the rule do not matter, what matters is the sentiment. Bill doesn't want it ever to be said rote. People say it for the wrong reasons, and it loses all meaning; according to him. I know that for a part of my life he wasn't wrong. I never said it rote, but I certainly said it for the wrong reasons. Don't get me wrong... I always always meant it, but most times I said it when I needed to hear it. Instead of asking "Do you love me?" I'd say it to reassure myself.
I never realized how deep my empty love o meter was. I used to love people the way I needed to be loved. I never really understood how much I was not getting back... that is until Him. One day I described Him as rain in the desert. He loves me back in the ways that I never understood I desperately needed. Not by constantly saying "I love you" but by showing me every single day with His time, His care, His understanding, His noticing, His words, and His actions. I could write a book to explain how He loves me. There are days that go by when W/we don't say "I love you" but I never feel that need to say it just to hear it back.... and when He does say it damn it rings loudly. Last night He came home and told me how much He Loffs me ... and it's the first time He has said it that way, and I smiled because I knew exactly what He meant and it meant the world to me.
One of my FAVORITE ways He has told me "I Love You" was in peanut butter. I'd been on a diet for YEARS, and one of my favorite things in the world next to RootBeer is Peanut Butter. Again, can't get it here easily... it's possible, but it would cost a small fortune. When I got to His space after a few days when I was rooting around the kitchen cabinets looking for ingredients to cook with I came across a GIANT jar of peanut Butter... and when opened I literally started to cry. MstrJ had taken a knife and carefully carved a heart inside the brand new jar... and then written inside "I love you" .... take a minute to think all the levels through there.... He went out and before I got there bought me a giant tub of Peanut Butter ... then instead of just leaving it in the open or handing it to me as a present... he took the time to carefully carve that message inside and then put it away just so I'd have the moment of "finding" it. One of my biggest regrets is that I do not have a picture of it. I used to carefully scoop allllll around the edges of it to avoid "ruining" it... until one day there was no way to get around it anymore... so I decided to honor it by making peanut butter cookies (He very much approved when He came home to a huge plate of them ... as did His coworkers the next day).
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/rIHGTXd9OGU
You show me love every single day in a million small and large ways. I fucking Loff You too my Master. 49 days!!!!
His slaveMikayla
