Those words have been said to me soooo many times and with sooo many different connotations. My mother used to tell me often how beautiful I was when I cried... then several boyfriends... yes an ex D type or three... but the one person who has never said it is MstrJ; and fuck I love Him for it.
36 days!
MstrJ and I have been talking about tears for the last few days under the context of sincerity, emotion, and the types of Sadism. The specifics of the conversation will not be shared here, but I will share here that one of the most powerful moments in O/our relationship for HIM came early on when I came to Him crying out of sincere contrition over a wrong I had done Him. I had not overstepped intentionally, and He completely understands now where my heart and mind were at; but apparently it was one of the most powerful moments for Him.
Tonight I cried very different tears, having nothing to do with Him, but only He could hold me and make it okay. Nothing can ever make it "right" but half a world away He cuddled the stuffed dog which has been in my family for over 100 years (it was my grandmother's). He went to His room, got it off His bed, and wrapped His arms around it as a surrogate for me. I buried my head into the pillow I have from His bed and sobbed and felt very very held. Thank You for all of the ways You hold space for me. Thank you for allowing me to see all of You. Thank You for trusting me. Thank You for giving a shit about things that hurt me, things that predate You. Thank You for never being annoyed with me when I have to bring those hurts to You.
I can't wait to be home to be in Your arms. <3
His slaveMikayla
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