I have never wrote anything and sent it into space before now, ever. Isn't anonymity nice.
I am laying awake beside my husband, I watch him drift to sleep and continue to watch him sleep. His breath blowing on my face as I watch. I want him, he knew, I want him to take me so bad it hurts, my everything is aching ...but he sleeps.
I don't enjoy drinking but did tonight with him after promises of a fun night. We tried a bit of rope play earlier, pre drinking - it was nice, new, exciting but ultimately unfulfilling. I've been talking to him off and on for 2 years about this "side " of me and although at times he seems to understand I feel he is not really getting how serious I am.
My desires scare me, I question what is wrong with me near daily. For most of my adult life I was, normal? That's not right but you get it. I was able to put this away or maybe I forgot it was there at all. When I look back this has been there since the start, so young, so young I question how it got into me but that's a different ramble.
What is it ? I'm not even sure. By bdsm standards its probably mild? Also another ramble but for tonight I just want my husband to wake up and grab me. I want his eyes wild, possessive. I want him to tie me down, I want the pain, I want to control nothing. I want his hands around my thighs, my neck, on every inch of my flesh.
..I want this pain to subside before I go insane.
He is tired, yeah..
He is always tired tho. I wish He could feel what I feel, I wish I could make him see a little bit of his time could make all the difference. But how. Sometimes I just google "I'm lonely" to kill the waking nights. Now I rant, it feels better at least.
Uh, I sound bonkers. 💙
