(This will be a long read. Or maybe I just talk too much.)
A few days ago I met a server in a restaurant who I thought was very attractive, Like, verrrry attractive. In an admittedly shallow primate way, I momentarily wondered how she would look in a collar.
I didn't assume that she would be into that, and I certainly didn't ask. The most I could do was to wonder, but I definitely did NOT decide that she was less attractive merely because I had no way to know if she fit the collar in my imagination.
The entire affair got me thinking about...
Three Scenarios:
A. An insta-dom creeps into a blog and sees what he believes to be a potential mark sitting there reading.
He slips her a message which reads, "For no better reason than your identity, from this moment on you will address me only as 'Sir' and you will do everything I say, under penalty of punishment which I insist is properly Dom-ish!"
She responds by laughing at him, decides she has no interest in hearing anything else he has to say, blocks his next move, then moves on to read another blog.
B. A man walks into a blog and sees what he believes to be a familiar woman sitting there reading.
He says to her "Hello, I've seen you around here before and wanted to introduce myself. I assume nothing about you, nor demand anything from you. I would like for us to see what we might have in common. Let's talk a bit."
She responds "You seem nice, attractive even, and you did not automatically treat me like I was inferior. Since we only just met neither of us will expect the other to act in any stereotypical way. Yes, let's talk a bit."
Ok, now the final scenario:
C. Two people, a man (who, it turns out, is a Dom) and a woman (who, it turns out, is a sub) see each other in a blog sitting there reading. From a distance they can already sense that they have a slash in common. Ideally, neither would immediately assume that each is sure to pass easily through the other's "I like what I'm seeing. Without a doubt, after we get to know more..." filter. At that point who could know?
He says hello, they begin a conversation, exchange several pleasant words between them, and eventually decide to indeed talk a bit more, somewhere nearby where it is a little quieter.
A few days go by, some casual chatting, they have so far treated each other respectfully, and have not assumed that their newfound friendship is heading anywhere near an increasingly dynamic relationship.
- Or at least he didn't. The man/Dom recognized that only an piece of shit would make broad assumptions about how the whole thing should ultimately look. Yet, in retrospect, it seems that somehow the woman who laughed at the wanna-dom in the first scenario decided that this genuinely decent guy just didn't resemble the type of Dom that she wanted.
Uh, wait, hang on a sec. Couple questions here:
* After only a few days? Of casually chatting?
* At what point did she sign him up to audition for a lead role in her life - which according to her he already didn't pass?
* Why was she anticipating certain characteristic Dom traits from him - which he had no reason or obligation to demonstrate to her?
* What are the criteria for determining whether or not a brand new acquaintance will translate in any way to a future partner - Dom or sub - if it is never even part of the conversation?
* Is expecting him to perform in a stereotypical manner simply because of his identity really so far removed from scenario A - but in reverse?
* Was it secretly decided that an insta-dom was unquestionably an asshole - but an insta-sub was acceptable?
If we don't like each other as people, oh well.
If we don't like each other in a dynamic, oh well.
But we should never stampede to the conclusion that one's public face will exactly echo what their inner voice sounds like.
(By the way, a different server, collar or no, might not have recommended the fajitas. Good thing I made no such false assumptions about her - because the food was delicious!)
