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Ever wonder what life would be like as a comet? Blazing through the heavens at breakneck speeds, past wonders so magnificent and horrors so dark your mortal mind you now posses could not handle the merest fraction of exposure to them, let alone truly comprehend and process the moment? Barreling through the cosmos magnificently unopposed, with a light so bright any who gaze upon you directly would lose their sight for having had the privilege of gazing upon you?
Well, that's exactly how life is. One day you are 20, carefree, wide eyed, optimistic, ten feet tall, and bulletproof. Then in the smallest measurable fraction of time by galactic standards, you find yourself on the backside of 30, a bit more realistic, alot more complicated, and definitely becoming more aware of life on this little pebble in space as you gaze at your children in absolute awe. Then you begin to feel the pull of life upon you, as certain as a giant dwarf star, gently yet consistently tugging at you, pulling you from the course you had set, realigning your destiny into areas unknown.
The flicker of time flashes again, and you are past 45. Your children are grown, your brilliance has diminished somewhat as it was necessary to place so much energy into your children to assure THEY would have their own wonder filled journey, but you know it was energy well spent. Time is catching up with you now, you begin to see the end really is possible as friends, foes, and strangers paths intersect with various types of interstellar bodies, as Rush so eloquently put it "In a final flash of glory... Nevermore ...to grace ...the night."
Eventually it will be your turn, you know it, and you feel it as the inescapable law of mathematics so accurately predicts the longer you stay in motion, the greater the chances of your turn coming are. but you cannot come to a stop either, because everything else is in motion, and your odds remain the same.... so we continue, past adversity, pain, suffering and hardship. We endure the setbacks for the hope of experiencing the victories and pleasures beyond our comprehension. As long as we continue, we know we will always see both.... so we continue...
Such a day is today. The sun does not shine brilliantly over the majestic mountains of my life, it peers through the final remnants of a necessary storm. What I had hoped would be another celestial traveler I had randomly encountered that could forge the journey with me, to blaze through the cosmos by my side and I by hers, I had to let journey on alone, to find her own destiny for reasons I will not disclose here. The parting was amicable, no harsh words of hatred exchanged, we saw each other for a brief, ever too brief, flash in time in the cosmos, and now head our separate ways.
So the storm clouds are blocking most all of my sunshine today, but the hope and promise of a new day shines through as the sun of my life once again begins to dissipate the clouds in my path which must be cleared before I continue, as random sunbeams of hope pierce the darkness and dance upon my soul, reminding me for a flash of the warmth that is possible if I continue . I am leaving this lighted harmonious world I thought I found, and once again attempt to chart my course in some infantile belief that I alone can choose the course, free from forces changing it for me, before blazing upward into the cosmos to continue on my solitary journey, picking up speed as I go, once again beginning the search anew, taking with me the fond memories and comforting thoughts of a new found friend...
~K~