Preface:
I want to preface what I am writing today so that the spirit or intent is not misconstrued in any way. It has been a very long journey for me, several years in fact, to finally arrive at a place where I, in my heart, will finally find some peace and solace, and come to terms with my first and likely best way of moving forward. I also want to say I appreciate all of you, cherish quite a few of you, and deeply care for a great number of you. You have been there with me through thick and thin, through my sometimes mindless ravings, and applauded me when I actually wrote something that touched you, and for those things, and for all of you, I will remain eternally grateful.
And to preface this blogging, please understand and accept it is not written from a place of, or to secure from any of you ... pity. I have simply rounded a corner in my life, and the road is now different than it was before, my reality brutally and forcefully changed, and I am coming to grips with it, and what it means for the future.
Ok, enough of that... lol. On October 23rd last year, I was involved in a car accident traveling at a rate of 65 mph. BY the hand of God, the other driver recovered completely, and I am still here to talk about it as well. But the life I had sought for myself, and my pursuit of the "true bdsm dynamic" is all changed now, and I am surrendering them to the past. Now I can hear you!!! But please listen a bit more, and perhaps you will understand more.
I am a strong willed man of 58 years. I do what I must do, I land on my feet, I survive where destruction is assured. I am also a realist. I do not and can not, take more than I can give, and to the best of my ability, I do not cheat, lie, or steal. I try to be as brutally honest as my soul will allow, in all things, holding the truth.
So the truth be told, I Simply do not currently have the physical ability to give what I feel a Dom should be able to give to a sub. And I will not deprive somebody of the things they need, to satisfy myself, nor will I turn a beautiful thing into a nursemaid. So my adventures into this world now come to a anticlimactic close. Bright and early tomorrow, the playroom will be disassembled and packed away, along with my dreams of a life that cannot be.
However, I will remain here with you all, and contribute what I may to the community, and maintain my friendships that I have found. And hey, who knows, maybe I will come out of all this in the end healed? I will certainly strive for it, but until I can be a partner in the true sense, I will remain .. solitary. It has taken me 3 months to come to this conclusion, so please do not think I made the decision lightly or without the sincerest contemplations.
