Near the top of my list of questions I’m frequently asked, is the question that titles this writing. When you first discover BDSM you’re excited and of course, you want to meet other people to share new experiences. Often people are so exuberant that they rush right out and throw themselves at the first thing they find which often isn’t the best fit. These three tips will help you zero in on the areas that are most likely to be a successful fit for what you’re looking for.
Get Specific On Your Why
Why, specifically, do you want to meet people into BDSM? I hear you thinking “duh, Sadie! I want to do kinky things with people!” Of course, you do! The world of kink is gargantuan though so it really helps to narrow things down a bit. What is your primary goal overall? Consider the following list:
I want to meet people into BDSM
· and hook up with them
· to try new things without a deep commitment
· and learn a lot more before I try anything
· date them / for a committed relationship
· to share ideas
· to just talk
· to just talk but online
Each one of those primary goals is going to direct you to a different area. If you go to a class on spanking with the express purpose of hooking up with people, you’re probably not going to have a lot of success. These are just a few of the goals, there are as many as there are people, so make sure you think a bit more specifically than just wanting to meet people into BDSM.
Start Your Search
Select your search terms and keywords based on what you want. Don’t forget to add your location, or target location if you are traveling or moving. “Near me”, your city, and your zip code are all terms that will get good results. General searches like BDSM websites turn up a wide array of results. Full disclosure, the results are full of everything from garbage to gold. Of course, one person’s garbage is another person’s gold.
A three-word search strategy can work very well. Choose one word from each bullet point and search away:
· BDSM / Kink / Fetish
· Hook up / Dating / Classes / Chat / Socials
· Near me / zip code / name of city
For example: BDSM classes near me
Feel free to get creative or use as many search terms as you like.
Show Up
Once you’ve found a list of events, classes, or websites that match your interests put yourself out there. Attend a physical event when the pandemic is over. Attend a virtual event. Reach out to that person who is interested in being contacted. Once you know where you’re going, you actually have to do that hard work of going there. This is usually the hardest part, but once you’ve done it you’ll be glad you did.
If you don’t have success on your first try that’s ok. Get clearer on your why and search again. There literally is something for everyone all you have to do is find it, which can be a pain in the butt sometimes. Keep searching until you find a place that’s an excellent fit for you.
Good luck and enjoy every moment of the journey!
