Have you ever seen the meme that says something like “tradition - peer pressure from dead people”? Often a rallying cry to make the holiday season easier, it can be applied to kink as well. Only some of the people are not so dead. As in mundane life, strict adherence to “tradition” in BDSM, for the sole purpose of continuing said tradition, can be detrimental to your fetish lifestyle growth. It was for me. I’m here to tell you it doesn’t have to be for you.
I spent way too many years trying to fit the definition of what a Domme should be. In particular older school-ish ways. And that was not, and is not, my style of domination. Trying to fit myself into one particular definition, the “traditional” or “stereotypical” Domme left parts of me withering inside. What it did cultivate was feeling like a fraud. That and some type of dysphoria.
There’s No One True Way
It’s crucial to realize that you are not bound by how things have been done before. The very essence of living your authentic kinky lifestyle lies in breaking free from the limitations of the past and forging a path that is uniquely your own.
I encourage you to challenge the norms and question established practices. Ask yourself if they’re right for you. Ask others why they follow them. Learn everything you can. Your kinky authenticity thrives on the spirit of exploration, pushing boundaries, and daring to venture into uncharted territories.
I invite you to reimagine possibilities and create solutions that break away from the constraints of tradition. There is nothing wrong in refusing to conform to the status quo if the status quo is not who you are.
A Freeing Mindset
This mindset encourages a departure from the fear of failure, as it acknowledges that true progress often involves taking risks and charting new courses. Breakthroughs are not born from conformity but from the audacity to pursue unexplored avenues. You only need to discover and be your kinky self. Not sculpt yourself into a mold that someone else has decided is ‘the right way.’
We are inherently creative and capable of transcending the limitations of tradition. So, embrace the freedom to think differently, challenge the norms, and pave the way for you to develop your kinky self unburdened by the constraints of the past.
Start with a question. How can I express my Domme/sub/switch/etc. nature in a way that feels right to me today? I invite you to share in the comments.
