A Recovering Pick-me

I guess I'm here to let out what has been on my mind for a little while now. I got pregnant at 25. Now I am 34. It was accidental. I don't even think I even wanted kids, but my current partner did and he got his way. I remember when I first met him we were drinking. Alcohol is like my release because in person I am inhibited. I tend to be shy and cautious. Well that night we were drinking and one thing led to another and as Elaine says in Senfield, "yada, yada, yada." And you pretty much know the rest. Then we met up again about a week later and I wasn't blasted out of my mind and I realized to my horror that he didn't use a condom this 2nd time we met and I vaguely remember asking him if he used a condom the first time and he said he did, but now I knew he was lying. And because of that lie I got pregnant. I went to Planned Parenthood and took a pregnancy test and it was negative and they gave me a Depo shot which is what I am on now. Then I felt the symptoms a few weeks later and I knew there was a baby growing inside me. I do remember the first time I got emotional right away he said to get an abortion. I was horrified. I didn't want to, I was scared, I thought I would bleed out or something not understanding how they work so I kept our baby. I don't know why I am mentioning this I guess because I feel stupid for being so gullible and being easily manipulated. I feel like I'm still very naive in a lot of ways still.