***This is just a rant, not looking for advice***
I always feel torn. I know for the last 36 years of my life, I’ve been more on the docile, shy side; yet I always had a passion to do more or be more. I’ve always had a strong sense of justice, at least inside, and I’ve been realizing more and more that I’ve been short changing myself in relationships which has fueled a strong feminist side that I hope to pass down to my daughter so she is not taken advantage of.
Sexually, though, or kink-wise, I think I wouldn’t mind being called derogatory names by a male partner or partners. Sometimes my fantasy includes being fucked/used by a couple or a few men. I still feel weak in the knees when a strong, dominant, self-assured man is nearby me and I guess that makes me feel confused because maybe a part of me doesn’t want to admit I am like a baby deer that needs guidance and easily follows strong-willed people. Also, my lack of experience with kink makes it harder for me to be assured in who I am sexually in body and mind. I’m sure if I had more experienced the confidence in knowing exactly who I am could better equate to what I want in the BDSM/kink world.
Thank you for reading.