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Thanks to Ingénue{Círdan} there is a recent spate of blogs in THE CAGE, written by males... mostly "Dom males." my first thought is they are not so much suddenly sold on the idea of blogging as they can't resist their instinctual (natural?) urge to rise... to a challenge? Time may tell.

i get to proudly declare that with >360 forum entries (many lengthy), i'm not among the non-writers in the cage, but this is my first blog. Apparently to some, it's 'different for girls'? Pause for musical interjection: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNzzK1dUtCI

As a gay sub i have often wondered if my love of, and propensity for, writing has something to do with my wiring? Is it because i'm gay and it's a result or expression of my feminine side? But then, that stereotype unravels for me because it turns out i am just as frustrated as many women are with their straight guys, by all the gay guys who don't 'blog' (read: "open up and talk about their thoughts and feelings").

Ever that analyst, i have come up with all sorts of reasons for that.

1. Blame the patriarchy. Lol, no really. Cliche aside, i think there is some truth to putting at least partial blame on engrained (patriarchal) cultural conditioning that has trained boys from birth that they are different when it comes to stuff like having feelings and expressing thought and feeling. An irony is how much of that conditioning comes from women (mothers, aunts, teachers) who have internalized patriarchy also conditioned in. i am convinced that a lot of internalized patriarchal influence still flies under the radar, even in a more enlightened era.

2. Biology? Neuropsychiatrist and writer Louann Brizendine has authored two books that look at our biological/brain wiring: "The Female Brain" and "The Male Brain." On page six of her book "The Female Brain" she notes: "Under a microscope or an fMRI, the differences between male and female brains are revealed ot be complex and widespread. It the brain enters for language and hearing, for example, women have 11 percent more neurons than men. The principal hub fo both emotion and memory formation-the hippocampus-is also larger in the female brain, as is the brain circuitry for language and observing emotions in others. This means that women are, on average, better at expressing emotions and remembering details of emotional events. Men, by contrast, have two and a half times the brain space devoted to sexual drive as well as larger brain centers for action and aggression." Note: as a scientist, i think Dr Brizendine may overreach a bit with her conclusions, but i think she raises points for further query? She also promises to write a book on "The Gay Brain," which is also different in its physiology.

3. Given the prior two points, i think most men may be handicapped ( both by nature and nurture) when it comes to emotional communication? Which is not to say guys cannot do it. Check out the percentage of authors and screen writers who are men? Which is not to excuse the crime of sexism that has limited female contributions, but to note that it is entirely possible for men to learn how to know and express things like emotion. It may take work, but i think men can learn how to communicate things like emotion, their inner self, even if it doesn't come as naturally to do so.

i was an avid reader as kid. i sensed i was different from most boys and learned how to hide very early on (five or six years old retrospectively). It took till i was about 14 to bury myself for survival. i grew up in a conservative religious household, just to add to the fun and help bury more parts of me. But even as a kid i can remember how frustrated i'd become with my dad, trying to get him to open up and share himself. We didn't do a lot of talking or sharing in our family, so books became my best friends.

Later on in life, i realized that i had developed people reading skills in order to satisfy my need for communication and connection in a family that did not use words. One thing i learned was how a side effect to being in an environment where words were used minimally to communicate was the notion and expectation that others were people readers too. Turns out that people reading can greatly enhance/supplement communication, but on its own (without words), is horribly inadequate. As an aside, i wonder how many guys are stuck in a place where they assume (unconsciously) that people/mind reading is an adequate thing? That people know more about them than they have actually revealed?

i began learning how to communicate when i married. Initially i would get very frustrated with my wife, assuming she knew how i thought or felt about a thing, even though i had not adequately communicated. i'd actually get angry with her, assuming she was toying with me. The funny thing is, i quickly surpassed her when it came to communication her once i realized i had to use words.

Turned out i was less afraid of being open and vulnerable, and the tables turned. With me it was ignorance that kept me from communicating, with her it was fearful hiding. So, a word of warning to the self protective out there looking for communicating mates, be careful what you ask for.
2 years ago. November 24, 2021 at 1:33 AM

my attention was recently caught by a forum topic titled: "Forced orgasm and piss control."  I have nothing against the tread, even offered some input, but confess i was disappointed by what it ended up being about: the OP was looking for advice on how to control her bladder durning forced orgasm. 

i was approached by a guy on a gay kink site a few months ago, He wanted to put me in a diaper. Internally, my response was sort of 'meh.'  But He continued to talk, pursue and i realized that the diaper was an accessory (which turns out to be a double entendre here), that His real goal was "piss control." As a total bottom with some sub, soft Dom stuff gets my attention, and this guy was implying controlling my continence.  The combination of His obvious lust and the element of controlling my continence, for me, is akin to orgasm control. Or it's related somehow in my wiring? Penis, pee, penis orgasm, both have a sort of tension (beyond erection), both experience a pleasurable release. A Top lusting for control over that in me? Okay, bunch of buttons pushed and i'm officially turned on. 

i'm not particularly turned on by piss or pee (yeah, i do make all sorts of distinctions emotionally that get voice cognitively, "Tops. Dom's, Men, etc., piss' and "bottoms, subs, bois, etc., pee").  But for me, if it comes out of a Mans cock and is connected to His pleasure or desire, my attention is riveted> For me, it's 'seed'. If He takes control of my continence, it's another form of Him owning my orgasm. 

"Forced orgasm" got my attention because, my total bottom wiring is such that my Tops orgasm is what i crave. When He has an orgasm and 'puts' it in me, it's like His orgasm magically transfers from Him to me. i am actually disappointed when i orgasm, particularly from having my penis touched. So, "forced orgasm" takes on a whole different meaning for me. i edge, not to have an eventual orgasm, but to stay in a state of high need and desire to pleasure my Top and receive His orgasm. There's a very real symbiosis for me in a Top/bottom, Dom/sub relationship.  For Him to give me an orgasm by stimulating my penis is always, in a sense, forced. It's how He can pause my horny need to please His cock, while the other kind of orgasm control where He controls me from having one, leaves me in a state or at the edge of craving to please Him sexually.  Being opposite of a Top, the former is disappointing while the latter is fulfilling. 

my version of "Forced orgasm and pee control."  

 


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