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Letters from the Edge of Tolerance

This is where I document life lived with CPTSD, ADHD, DID, OCD, abandonment trauma, rage, and the long term psychological consequences of instability. Not for sympathy. Not for inspiration. For examination.

I write about trauma the way a mechanic tears down an engine. Piece by piece. What broke. Why it broke. What it still does under stress.

You will find poems that bleed without asking to be saved. Essays that dissect ethical BDSM, power exchange, dominance, consent, and responsibility without romantic illusion. Reflections on betrayal, identity, dissociation, religion, rage, control, and the uncomfortable mathematics of trust.

This is not a healing space. It is an honest one.

I do not frame survival as beautiful. I frame it as necessary.

If you are looking for optimism, look elsewhere.

If you want unfiltered analysis from someone who has lived at the upper edge of tolerance for decades and still functions, read on.

Existence is not always a gift.

Sometimes it is a condition.
5 months ago. Wednesday, September 17, 2025 at 5:53 PM

When the first light spills across the horizon,
the sky ignites in streaks of rose and gold,
clouds burn with molten edges, trembling awake,
while shadows retreat, whispering their last secrets,
softened by the sweetness of morning air I cannot name.

The sky blushes with wonder,
as night surrenders to the blaze of day.
Shadows stretch long across my skin, reluctant to fade,
clinging like old wounds that refuse to close,
reminding me of all I have endured.

The sun does not ask me to be whole,
it only rises, again and again,
marching onward with the endless drum of time,
reminding me that no matter how much breaks,
the cycle continues, the dawn always returns,
promising that even in ruin,
there can still be warmth.

I watch its climb with weary eyes,
weighed down by the sameness of another day,
feeling the ache of ghosts gnaw at my trust,
while any awe I once held flickers dim,
a child’s wonder soured by the certainty that nothing truly changes.

Upon the rise of the sun,
I remember:
I am broken, yet I breathe.
I am haunted, yet I wonder.
And somewhere in between,
a trace of innocence glimmers,
a sweetness that lingers in the morning air,
softly reminding me that even in shadow,
the day begins with hope.

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