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Letters from the Edge of Tolerance

This is where I document life lived with CPTSD, ADHD, DID, OCD, abandonment trauma, rage, and the long term psychological consequences of instability. Not for sympathy. Not for inspiration. For examination.

I write about trauma the way a mechanic tears down an engine. Piece by piece. What broke. Why it broke. What it still does under stress.

You will find poems that bleed without asking to be saved. Essays that dissect ethical BDSM, power exchange, dominance, consent, and responsibility without romantic illusion. Reflections on betrayal, identity, dissociation, religion, rage, control, and the uncomfortable mathematics of trust.

This is not a healing space. It is an honest one.

I do not frame survival as beautiful. I frame it as necessary.

If you are looking for optimism, look elsewhere.

If you want unfiltered analysis from someone who has lived at the upper edge of tolerance for decades and still functions, read on.

Existence is not always a gift.

Sometimes it is a condition.
1 month ago. Sunday, January 18, 2026 at 3:58 AM

Come closer.

Not in a rush, not yet.

Let the quiet feel you before I do.

 

Your breath skims my throat,

warm enough to bruise the air,

and I learn your name by the way you hesitate,

by the way you wait for permission

you already know you have.

 

I like you better like this,

undone by proximity,

thinking too much,

wanting harder than you planned.

Desire looks good on you

when it has nowhere to hide.

 

My hands are deliberate.

I take my time learning your reactions,

the soft betrayals of your body,

the way control slips without a sound.

There is no need to hurry

when surrender is already kneeling.

 

Every touch is a promise I intend to keep.

Every pause is a reminder

that I decide when you get more.

You arch into the silence,

aching for the moment I finally close the distance.

 

When I do,

it is slow and certain and unavoidable.

You melt into it,

into me,

into the truth of how badly you wanted this.

 

And when the night exhales around us,

heavy with heat and shared breath,

you will realize too late

that I never took anything from you.

 

You gave it.


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