I have to say that even in the best times I still find my self struggling with the darkness that lurks in me. So when I do find a light I tend to cling to it hard, cradle it in my arms and pray that it never goes out. Though inevitably it will, and the only thing I can do is move forward in the dark and hope that I may find another.
Dealing with major depression, CPTSD, DID, and several other mental health problems has never been easy for me. The flash backs and anxiety, the manic attacks and the constant desire to just not exist anymore. But I still persist even when I don't want to. So I huddle here in my inner darkness cradling and nurturing the light that I find hoping that my world brightens.
Yet the constant whispers in my ear reminding me that nothing is forever and once I'm used up that light will just move on past me. I hate hearing it but I can't help but try to protect myself knowing that ultimately that beast has always been right. Yet I hope that someone sometime will prove that beast wrong.
Yet I have found Hope. And I pray this time it will not be false. I hope it will be true and real. I pray this light will brighten my world and lead me away to the inner peace that I wish I had.