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Letters from the Edge of Tolerance

This is where I document life lived with CPTSD, ADHD, DID, OCD, abandonment trauma, rage, and the long term psychological consequences of instability. Not for sympathy. Not for inspiration. For examination.

I write about trauma the way a mechanic tears down an engine. Piece by piece. What broke. Why it broke. What it still does under stress.

You will find poems that bleed without asking to be saved. Essays that dissect ethical BDSM, power exchange, dominance, consent, and responsibility without romantic illusion. Reflections on betrayal, identity, dissociation, religion, rage, control, and the uncomfortable mathematics of trust.

This is not a healing space. It is an honest one.

I do not frame survival as beautiful. I frame it as necessary.

If you are looking for optimism, look elsewhere.

If you want unfiltered analysis from someone who has lived at the upper edge of tolerance for decades and still functions, read on.

Existence is not always a gift.

Sometimes it is a condition.
6 years ago. Friday, November 8, 2019 at 10:33 PM

Though I walk I stand, surrounded By the lifeless sands. I see many men, many women. The lie in a beautiful space, a world devoid of hate, I wonder why it was that I came to this place, thou even when i try to think, Life moves on in just a blink. BEHOLD a world struck by beauty a world where even the land seems to lay in a glorious pageant of lucid moments. I walk this lonely road alone, though within this lucid dream I can see the means I need to fall down a putrid diluted path. I walk away afraid of what may come down within that lucid fray of putrid hate. If I may, then I shall stay within my dark gray light. For when if this comes to be, I would hate to flee from the beauty around me. I seek the love I lost on the way down life's lucid dream, was it me or was it her, I couldn't believe that we had left the road. I had slowed, she had sped, for even then she wanted to be wed. I could not hold the light she shone, instead i bore the loathsome road. I walk alone in a light less world a putrid path to and fro. If I were to find my way I would be wed  that girl on that day.


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