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Letters from the Edge of Tolerance

This is where I document life lived with CPTSD, ADHD, DID, OCD, abandonment trauma, rage, and the long term psychological consequences of instability. Not for sympathy. Not for inspiration. For examination.

I write about trauma the way a mechanic tears down an engine. Piece by piece. What broke. Why it broke. What it still does under stress.

You will find poems that bleed without asking to be saved. Essays that dissect ethical BDSM, power exchange, dominance, consent, and responsibility without romantic illusion. Reflections on betrayal, identity, dissociation, religion, rage, control, and the uncomfortable mathematics of trust.

This is not a healing space. It is an honest one.

I do not frame survival as beautiful. I frame it as necessary.

If you are looking for optimism, look elsewhere.

If you want unfiltered analysis from someone who has lived at the upper edge of tolerance for decades and still functions, read on.

Existence is not always a gift.

Sometimes it is a condition.
5 years ago. Thursday, May 21, 2020 at 11:49 AM

     Call me picky or whatever, but i am certain a sub that fits my fantasies is out there and i will find her someday, if you seem to think it matches you and you would like to chat just hit me up.

 

     So to start i have been in the world of BDSM for about Eight years now and  since my release from my loving mistress, Mistress Denalia, i have been almost adamantly a dom, though i have been a switch for a long time i prefer being a dom. so for about 5 years no i have been almost strictly a dom. 

   so my Ideal sub is definitely specific i will start by listing the qualities i find attractive, starting with the most important to the least. but do not get me wrong having all of them is definitely what i want. 

Personality: this one is by far my largest turn on to anyone. if you want to impress me be yourself, if you have a great, bubbly, slightly emotional, slightly reliant, but head strong type of personality, that drives me wild.

Intellect: no don't misinterpret this i not someone who desires someone who has an insane amount of knowledge.  for a slight comparison ill will give you this tidbit. Intellect is the faculty of reasoning and objective understanding. Intelligence is the ability to acquire knowledge and skills. i want someone who i can have a very enticing conversation with. bonus points if you can get me going on the topic of a Utopian society.

Looks: now i know this is a painful one to alot of people but hear me out.i grew up in a family with a long history of obesity, i never fit in because i really wasn't fat ever. I always worked out and took care of myself, and no offense but in my opinion, but there is no excuse to be fat. I tell my brother this regularly and it has encouraged him to start losing weight. so DO NOT get me wrong, i will talk to anyone no matter weight age, race, whatever. but i cant find my self being romantically attracted to anyone who is obese.

willingness to learn: i don't mean just in sessions and experimenting, i mean if they have a desire to learn something i want them to do what it takes to learn it, the only thing that holds us back is lazyness and there is no excuse for it.

Bratty: now i don't want someone who is nothing but a brat constantly, there is always a time and place for it, but a girl who knows when to be bratty and when not to be is sexy, and one who knows how to be a good kind of bratty is even better.

Now i am going to point out a fantasy i have had for years but no one has every done it for me yet. Ive always wanted a sub to be one her knees a few feet from my front door, wearing Lingerie/teddy/something straight up see through and sexy, with a ice cold unopened beer in her hand. and when i walk in the door she looks up at me with out moving her head offers me the beer, and says welcome home daddy/ master/ sir. That has been something i have always wanted. 
now i covered more or less what i seek in a sub so if you have questions are remarks, keep em positive and respond, voice any concerns you might have, i don't bite, hard anyways. 

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