I lost my grandpa last month. And i made my way 2000 miles to be at his funeral. I had left montana with my brother his girlfirend and my father. We drove down packed into a little sedan of a car. Now for the longest time my father had nothing but bad things to say about my oldest brother, mike jr. And constantly fed the fire for whatever ot was we had against eachother. Well the night before the funeral i slept in the car we drove down in since i helped my brother shave and taught him about wearing a suit.
Me my Brother Ted and his girlfriend made it to the viewing early. My brother mike jr. Showed up which i was dead set on making things right. Which we righted our differences. And he shed tears at the funeral. Now all of my fathers kids tried to get him to go in and make peace, but he wouldn't. Now my father is quite a piece of work to put it lightly i could write a novel series on the bad shit hes done.
Now in our family age holds seniority and the family friend whos more family than friend, we all know as uncle butch, ill come back to him in a moment. Now at the funeral service my father wouldnt even leave the damn car he rode in. Now there were a few songs played at the funeral the first one i was fine but the second one was called grandpa tell me about the good days by the judds. I lost it and started to cry. Seven years since the last time i cried. Which was when my wife left me(for someone who will remain nameless)[my father]. But i lost it and began to cry, for the man who taught me how to be a man was no longer here. And the obly ones to confort me were my siblings and uncle butch's wife. No i walked away for a moment to collect myself since i was a pall bearer and grandaddy would have said "watchu ballin bout? Stiffen up your wasteing water in the desert." So when it came time to bury him, my father still refused to get out of the car.
Well after that was over uncle butch had heard about mike jr. And our dads qualms and wanted them to make up being the good christian man he is. Well needless to say the sperm donor ac5ed as if he was faultless. And me and my brother ted had to pull mike jr away. Uncle butched walked over and apologized for stepping in and i stepped up saying what all he had put me the youngest of his kids through.
But at the end of all this since ive been back home something is gone, broken or missing. And i cant seem to figure it out. I lose sleep at night, im irritable and shortfused, my personality seems different, i just dont feel like the same person i was before. I feel like a shadow of myself.