Hmmmm. I have come to realize that I am a social outcast. No need to comfort me me. It's always been this way. Society has moved to a point of either you support my views or your a racist and a bigot. Personally though I could care less. What is it that has made us so devout to our own opinions that we fail to see that which is right in front of us?
Are we so blinded by our own delusions of Grandeur that show us the world through a blue light screen glass. I feel alienated. No matter where I go, or what I do, think, breath or even see. I want a life of peace, happiness and joy just like any other.
Is it wrong to have emotions? Am I nothing more than an inconvenience. Who am I? What is it that is so precious to me that keeps me going. I never wanted to be here in the first place, but yet here I am.
My mind has always been a cloudy and dark place. Filled with self doubt, and a lust for my own destruction. But I know despite how desperately I may want the cold embrace, I am yet no coward, and I deserve NO EASY WAY OUT.
Why then is it that we all are but prideful sinners too full of ourselves and too deluded to see the darkness. Or rather, why do we strive so hard to ignore it?
Everyone has their demons, though mine have said "I am many therefore I am legion" life isn't meant to be easy, but I believe it was never meant to be this hard either. How is it that I,... I am the one who has to be stable, why is it the man who has to do everything? Why do I fail soooó much?
Somedays I wonder why it is that I am still here. What is my purpose? What meaning is it that I have? Why does it always feel like the world is ready to crash around me. Why is it that I feel like Atlas with the weight of the world on my shoulders. Is it just because I hate myself? Am I truly worthless? Or is it something deeper or am I just delusional.