For a short while, I took a step away from this amazing community. I was going through some things. I’m still struggling on completely conquering those things. But I’m much better.
My health mentally and physically really became difficult for me to properly handle. I wasn’t taking care of myself, exercising, eating, procrastinating. Since I packed my own motivation and took it from my owners it really was hard to complete even the most basic task. That’s not healthy and that’s not how I wanted to be.
I lacked my own sense of autonomy and courage to complete tasks and do for myself. Not to hear praise from an Owner or a pet I might be connected to but because I wanted to for MYSELF.
For many switches, well maybe just me, that feedback is a driving force. When I lack it I lack energy. For a while I based my worth off of my partners emotions and I can no longer allow myself to live in that way.
Now I’m back, and better than ever. Submission is still this knowing force inside me along with Dominance, but it no longer feels as though I’ll shrivel away if I cannot feed those parts of me.
Now with that said, there is a noticeable hollowness in ky life and routines. Although I’m healthier mentally and physically I still crave control, whether it be releasing it or taking it, with consent 😌. I realize although I should not depend on those facets of my life, I am highly stimulated by them and not much else brings that stimulation on for me.
I am eager to immerse myself yet again in this lovely wools. I wonder what it will be like now that I have gained a new sense of clarity?
