BabyGurl New Journey

Its one of those days!!! you want to have that especial someone hug you so tight and tell you that everything is going to be just fine.

i had a date today and im just going to say that it left me feeling hopeless....(ughhhh) 

few drinks then empty bed is waiting for me...hopefully i feel better tomorrow 😔

Recently i started talking to someone i met in another site and we been getting to know each other for two weeks now. We agree to meet this Saturday since he only lives one hour away. I been so anxious all this days, i haven't date in like so long now. I am nervous. Conversations been great, he ask a lot about what i like don't like (nothing sexual) i really enjoy talking to him. Everything seems to be so perfect that yesterday i was starting to feel uncomfortable and all the "What ifs" came to mind, i started questioning my self "is this too good to be true?" is this real? is he just faking? is my mind just playing games with me? and so on....this is what happens when you have trust issues. 🙈

I found this and automatically identified myself with it... most of us had been in this situation at least once in our lives... i was recently in a dynamic with someone and something similar to this happened and the other person treated me very poorly... it was the end of us..

I get it, I really do. You’ve used this act before with men, used it your whole life. I said something that challenged your comfort and you’re lashing out, venom flowing from your serpents tongue. Your teeth bared, ready for a fight. You’ve used this tactic before, raised your defenses and slammed the gates to your fortress of solitude shut. You’re safe back there for awhile, and eventually they all go away, the challenge to your comfort vanquished.

You’re deft too, you do this so well, so efficiently, that more often than not, neither you nor the person you’re doing it to even notice. A sly distraction, a subtle word, a touch of sarcasm and you’ve slipped behind the sheet, an emotional magician disappearing in a room full of people.

The thing is, I know your game. I see your rampant sarcasm and passive aggressive comments for what they are. When you raise your voice to me or leave the room in a huff of, “fine, whatever,” I’m not tricked, and I’m not intimidated. I’m not going to meet your silver tongued venom with my own or react with my own anger. You’re not going to pull me down to your level.

No, I’m going to sit there calmly, and quietly. Like a oragami dragon I’ll let you huff and puff; I’ll let your storm bluster and blow; I’ll watch and you loose the dogs of war or choose the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune - and I’ll sit there quietly and absorb it all. I’ll take it because I can, because my skin is thicker than your sharpest daggers can penetrate. I’ll take it because I know the importance of this moment. I know why this is happening, I know what you expect to happen - what you’ve been conditioned by years of experience to anticipate.

When you’re done having your moment come here, sit down, kneel at my feet, I’m not going to yell at you. I know what your sarcasm, your anger, and your furious silence mean. You’re hurt, you’re scared, you’re exhausted, I get it. Come here and I’ll scale your walls, I’ll slay your demons, and I’ll calm your stormy skies. Not with my rage but with my kindness, with my unending warmth, and quiet strength.

It’s not ok to treat me like this, and there will be a lesson coming soon enough. A stern lecture, an early bed time, a few minutes of kneeling in the corner and staring at the wall, or a firm spanking. But for now just lose yourself here in my arms where the world is quiet and none of your waves can capsize my ship.

I am forever your safe harbor. “When the walls around you cave in, when there’s nothing left but pouring rain, you’ll find your heart inside my hands.“ 

So its been raining for like 5 days now and im tired of it🙄 its so hard to get up in the morning to go to work and move around to get things done. Anyways!!! today while working my mind started to run wild!!!! imagination took over and from one moment to another i went from my desk to my bed.....

i was in bed naked, under my blanket touching myself, so wet, so ready, eyes close...i feel him(my imaginary daddy) coming under the cover behind me, his body pressing hard against mines, so hot, feel his hands removing mine, slowly touching my clit, his mouth brushing my ear, whispering, while his other hand slowly closes around my neck, chocking 🤤me just like i like it....

yeahhh back to work...i got interrupted lol 

tell me im not the only one that been having this kind of especial moments at work 🙄

Intense; of extreme force, degree, or strength.
having or showing strong feelings or opinions; extremely earnest or serious.

So this past weekend i found myself being accused of being to "intense" on two different occasions. How they said it, it was meant to be in a bad way, like saying i was being too much, or dramatic (i hate when people call me dramatic for expressing how i feel about something). At the moment it did made me feel some type of way because people think they can just attack you and they expect you too stay shut and thats not me, so thats the word they used to describe me and make me feel less. 

But then today i was thinking (always overthinking) if you ask me being intense is part of my beautiful personality, even though they try to make it seem like negative, for me is all positive. 

when i love i do it intensively... as a friend, sister, mother, partner. i put my heart in everything i do. This is the reason why i try to keep my self away and not open up to people. 

i saw this writing somewhere and i thought it was the perfect way to start this blog. Im not good at expressing my self in a blog but im going to try.

To my sweet wild woman, I know why it hasn’t worked out with anyone else—you don’t need a man, but a goddamn warrior.

You are the strength of Turkish coffee at sunrise darlin’ and don’t try to pretend that you’re not.

You are one of the wild ones, and no matter how you tried to hide that fact, you can’t be anything other than what you are—and that’s okay. You are just as you are supposed to be, magnificently wild in all of your chaotic beauty.

I know you’ve had your heart broken and I know that you don’t understand why it always seems to never work out, but I’ve finally figured it out:

You don’t need a man, you need a goddamn warrior.

It doesn’t matter if this warrior drives a Jeep or a shiny sports car, and it won’t matter if he wears silk or cotton—it will not even matter if he works in a high-rise, or on the night shift.

What is going to matter is that when it comes to taking bets on your heart, he is going to be high stakes—all the way.

This warrior of yours will crave your strength, and your intensity. He’s going to look at you and not see something to tame, but something to just fuckin’ admire. This warrior of yours won’t be someone that you can manipulate or play with as you have in the past, so honey, don’t even try—and trust me, you’re going to love him even more because of it.

Because you aren’t just a woman, you’re a goddamn goddess.

Your fierceness is going to bring him to his knees every single time he looks into your gorgeous eyes, but the difference is, unlike the others, he isn’t going to be scared off. No, this time, you will have finally met your match—because a simple man for you just won’t do.

You need someone to match the fire in your eyes with his own. Not only that, my little wild thing, but this warrior of yours is going to want to encourage the flames instead of trying to douse them with his own insecurities.

Because for you, a warrior is the only man who will ever live in the wild with you.

He may not have to slay any dragons to earn your love, but he would still walk through fire if it meant seeing that amazing smile that you hold in reserve for only him.

This is the thing, free spirit, this warrior you seek….he’s seeking you too.

For he’s had failed relationships that have left him wondering if maybe he was meant to be alone for the rest of his journey—and you’re going to change all of that for him. You both have been travelling along on your separate journeys and have been doing an okay job at it, but that's about to change too.

Because baby, when you and this warrior of yours meet and collide—it’s going to be a love set on fire.

Don’t try to run this time—I know your heart has been broken before, and that you’re not used to things working out, but this time it’s different. Give yourself time to see that.

This warrior of yours needs to see that it’s possible for someone to see all of his wild, and still be there when he craves his freedom and ventures off into this world for a bit. You won’t always need to follow him, just as he won’t always follow you. Let yourself stay wild, even when all you want to do is curl up in that spot along his side and forget the rest of the world exists.

Let yourself still wander naked under the full moon, and drink moonshine with the stars. Let yourself feel the pull of the wind on your heart, and the sun toward a new journey. Because this warrior is going to love you because of your wild—and he’ll want you to keep it.

You’ll be in this together now, this amazing, crazy, chaotic, wonderfully heartbreaking life—because it takes a warrior to love a goddess. And it takes a goddess to show a warrior what real love is.

So pack up your insecurities and your ideas about picket fences, because that was never you anyway. You were born knowing that you were destined for more, and now is the time for you to see what all those dreams look like.

There is no stopping a love like this, so promise me you’ll hold out just a little bit longer.

Have a little bit of hope, and always give love just one more try, because I promise you my sweet wild woman—the love that you seek is seeking you as well.

Waiting!!