Hello,
So time again to babble on to strangers on the internet because why the hell not. So today my Sir, Marcellus, took us out to a darling little park here in the South where the waters were blue and crystal clear, you could see all the little fishies and everything. The hike was calm and amazing. We then went to a few beautiful antique shops that He pointed out a ring that was gorgeous. He told me to put it on and of course, like magic, it fit perfectly. He paid for it immediately and said I was to wear it everyday. It is going to be a nice addition to the daily collars I wear. I have a hybrid watch that he gave me, that I wear everyday on my left wrist. An anchor on my right wrist. The ring on my left hand, which I have been adoring. And lastly, my necklace, a 1920's blue firefly. (I would love to show them but I do not have Premium, maybe one day we will decide it is in the budget) These are my forever accessories. Until we have a formal collar, which Sir has said he is looking to find the perfect one, these are the symbol of my submission. And in regards to a collar, I was hesitant first. That is why we decided to start with basic jewelry. Even though it is basic jewelry, I wear it with pride knowing I have given myself to my Sir. I find the idea of the Collar beautiful and, at times, is an ultimate sign of a deep connection and trust.
With our dynamic, we have decided to make it a complete lifestyle D/s relationship. My Sir gets to choose my look everyday. From the hair on my head, to the shoes I wear, He decides on it all. And quite frankly I get more compliments on my look now than ever before. He also has been having me wear more dark lipsticks out to work and such. Which if I was deciding, I would chicken out. He has pushed my boundaries more and more and I am loving it. He has boosted my confidence which also helps me not only in the bedroom, but also at work as well. I also make sure we are he is fed in the morning, has work clothes for the week, and tea in the evening before bed. Why do I do this? 1) I love providing these little things for him so that his life is easier. 2) Except for the laundry part, Sir and I take our tea and breakfast at the same time, meaning it is a quality moment we share on a daily basis. I love having these little moments that to some, look like I am babying him, but for me this is serving my sir to the best of my abilities.
He had to remind me something late last night that I believe it is very important and I want to share this dark story that ended up strengthening us. I hit a huge low last night, believing my Sir no longer cared because he went silent, almost completely ignoring me. He wanted me to realize how much of a tantrum I was having and wanted to get through this like the adult I am. However, I could not get out of my own dark place in my mind and I went to the bathroom and cried. "Sir no longer cares about you" "You are not useful, so why should he care?" He came through the door and asked me what I was doing and why. I explained between tears that I felt like I was no longer useful, and that I was terrified he no longer wanted me. He explained to me what he was trying to accomplish with the silence. He reminded me that there is nothing he wants more than me, and that I am all he cares about and all that he wants in life. Nothing else matters to him but me. This is the most important part. He told me that he didn't chose me to because I was useful or not, he chose to be with me because he loved me, through all my faults, all my flaws. He chose me for me, because I bring the only joy to his life. This made me feel so wanted and brought so much joy to my life. There is a saying that I have heard a couple times, not only here, but on other BDSM sites as well that Dom's want to feel needed, and sub's need to feel wanted. I feel like this is so true, when I'm having a low day, the only thing that makes me feel at ease is when Sir tells me I am the only one he wants. For Sir, he knows I need him because I tell him every day, some days he hates me telling him, but he feels reassured by it as well. Even on his low days, when he has me submit, he is able to recover and calm down.
I got a new little mug that has meant alot to me this year already. The mug has the phrase on it "Life begins at the end of your comfort zone" - Neale Donald Walsch. And that is a fucking great saying for our relationship. If you had told me 2+ years ago I would be loving a man that spanks me to the point of welts, ties me up, and treats me like a cum bucket. I would've told you your were crazy. Now I am kneeling and shakingly waiting in anticipation for my Sir to absolutely ravish me. This by far has been the best decision of my life. Next to driving the 3,000 miles to move in with my Sir. ;)
Be safe and have fun lovelies, Until next time,
Vale