About three months after I got rid of my biggest real world problem, Master's real world problems ramped up in frequency and intensity. We saw each other less often, both disappointed.
One afternoon I drove the hour from my house to where He worked. He knew I was coming. He walked from the building, a somber look on His face as He walked to my car and got in beside me. To my suprize He didn't lean in to kiss me. We spent many moments with Him quietly looking at the floor, and I staring at Him without breathing. Then He broke the scilence with the words He had to say. "I can't see you anymore". Then He fell silent again.
I drew in a long breath and blew it out slowly, looking everywhere but at Him, trying not to cry. I didn't rant. I didn't rave. I was in shock with my heart breaking. Tears escaped my eyes as I asked Him why, even though I knew why. He told me He needed to spend more time and attention at home. I understood and He knew I understood, but didn't keep my heart from breaking or my mind from racing. I looked away from Him as He exited the car, and I began my long ride home.
Using the self calming and coping ways He had taught me, I got home safely between my tears. A quiet mocking laugh escaped me as I shook my head. He did not formerly release me. He hadn't taken back His collar, or His silver band from my finger. It felt like a cruel joke.
I entered my house, thankfully empty. The dam of self control burst into hot tears, loud sobs trying to ease this horrible pain in my heart. I placed my collar and ring into the bottom drawer of my dresser, then flopped onto my bed punching pillows and yelling, "why? why? why?". Time ticked by. Tears, heartache, questions filled me. Anger, not at Him, Yes at HIM! Why had He not properly released me? Why Had He not broke the bond by taking back my collar? It wasn't right. It wasn't fair. It became what hurt me the most.
Exhausted by tears and emotions I eventually fell asleep before my daughter got home from work.