I've counted myself as a sub/brat for a very long time. I can't really claim that I've been part of the lifestyle for as long as I've been into some pretty kinky things because I haven't participated in anything that'd count as such. Not physically at least. I've done plenty of things online with so many people and I've always jumped to the role of being a sub, a bottom, the one that's always constantly taking.
But, recently, I've started to see things a bit differently in what I myself would feel more comfortable doing. For the longest time now, I've always wanted a female domme or just any female dominant figure to have me. By "have" me, I mean use me, value me, level with me and just plainly, put in the effort to actually get to know me and my limits before commanding me to do something.
At this point though, I've completely given up on that idea. With male doms, it was almost the exact same cycle with rarely any enjoyment. There were some who were actually really cool and I'm glad that I had gotten to meet them, but when it came to giving tasks and things, it felt very out of place. With the one female dom that I had found after my nearly lifelong search, she was the complete opposite of a normal person and of what I had been searching for. I say that because this woman was completely unlike any dom I had ever heard about or seen. We all know that trust, patience and effort are some of the main keys to having a stable D/s relationship. This woman did not.
She did nothing but spew out the most insane sexual fantasies like we were living in a hentai world where a giant horse man can have his ding dong going straight through your spine and out your anus or, as the last conversation with her had went, she'd want me to have sex with a dog.
Out of all the things she had said that we should do that'd never be morally right or even physically possible, this was the very last straw after telling her multiple times that animals can't consent and the very thought of doing something like that is morally wrong and just plain disgusting. I know for some people, sex with a dog seems like the world to them so, different folks different strokes. But that aint my kinda stroke. Besides her, there's someone from my past who I did not love anymore that I guess could be counted as a female dom but she's using fake numbers to constantly get in contact with me and harass me for not loving her anymore when it's been 3 to 4 years since I've left her so the female dom image is a bit tarnished for me at the moment.
Anyway, with my luck as a sub, I see now that I will never ever find what I'm looking for or what makes feel like I'm in a comfortable and safe environment. So, I think I'll test my luck in being a switch. I won't look for anything specific anymore, besides out of the rare times when I'm in charge I love the feeling, but I'll of course always love having someone else's lead to follow. I will continue learning more and more about I may not be searching on here for that, I treasure the wholesomeness of this site very much. But I will try to keep an update on the progress of testing out these new waters. Wish me luck folks.
