This is a bit long and I apologize ahead of time.
As I lay here, unable to sleep with a million things running though my head, there is one thing I can't seem to shake. I'm new to the lifestyle and community but I've always been submissive and recently I've learned I have a touch of masochism (just a touch). One of my core personality traits is also being a people pleaser. Aside from the sex I've had, the lifestyle has always made my inner soul light up any time I or someone else speaks about it or I read about it. I can go on for hours speaking about it, although the people in my life think I'm crazy, they entertain me. It's been brought to my attention by several people that the more you were abused in the past, the more submissive and or masochistic you are as an adult. I need some input on this, I have researched it a little and it seems to be this profound psychological response but I can't seem to shake this dirty, crummy feeling. Now, I'll get past this with ease after a bit, like I do with everything but this has given me a bit of a complex. It's only been a few days but I can't get it off my head. We all have a story, every last one of us. Mine is a doozy that lasted the first 24 years my life. There is no way in hell that I enjoyed everything I went through or even asked for it while it was happening, to think that something clicked in my head that makes me need it now it just utterly ridiculous to me. So, here I am looking for real life opinions as to what other subs and doms think about this to help me wrap my head around what seems to be a whirlpool of turmoil. Thanks ahead of time for the read and feedback, I hope everyone has a good day.
