Complete submission??

I've always been interested in poly and I want to explore that. Any advise?

This is a hard time of year, this is a hard week. A beautiful friend of mine passed a year ago. I miss her with all my heart and love her so much. She introduced me to the cage she was always open to talk and help me and I was always there for her. Sometimes I still get so angry that she was ripped from this earth and especially the way she was. She was honestly the most beautiful soul I've ever known. I hope she can hear me when I talk to her I wish I could hear her answer me back. I miss you beautiful I hope you are at peace.

I'm finding it extremely difficult to deal with not having a partner. There are things I need and I can't do them myself today my biggest struggle is being a masochist with no sadist. Its extremely frustrating. Especially since I'm gay. I need a strong masculine female dominant in my life and I can't seem to find her. I need a irl relationship and not long distance it's so frustrating. 

Today i am missing a dear friend. One that introduced me to this site. She was amazing. Such a unique soul. Beautiful in every way possible. Loving and caring. So today is not a good day, my soul aches for my friend. 

Right now im in the situation where my fiance is in jail. I called to check on her since i hadn't heard from her by letter in a while. I know shes on restriction so i wasnt worried she wasnt calling but i was concerned they were nice enough to allow us to talk. Well she didn't want to talk to me. It hurts but im trying to stay positive. I just dont know what to think at this point.

Okay so things I hate about mental health medications, most of the time you've been dealing with your mental illness for a while and finally to your breaking point so you get help. Then its a cycle of does this work, well what if we increase it. Oh its making you feel worse? well lets change it now there is another 2 - 4 week wait to see if it helps or if you want to kill yourself while dealing with side effects like muscle spasms leg jerks agitation drowsiness ect.. its basically a bug game of mix and match until you find something that makes you feel half way normal and that can take months. ughhh. 

Hi all i havent been on here in a while. I feel so stuck in my life atm. Like my gf is in jail and will be until march 2021 we havent been together since like 2015 and i miss her so much we just couldnt make it work at the time due to bad decisions but everything is going as well as it can now with her locked up. she is my soulmate and weve known each other for 10 yrs i just want her home. Side note shes also into this lifestyle and says she wants to be my domme which is great. i told her it will be a great experience for us to learn and grow with. i guess i just needed somewhere to vent to. yall have a great day/night!

My current gf (we are physically separated atm but will be reunited in just under a yr) wants to train to be my mistress. So excited that our interests match up in this way. What im interested to know is are there some books i could send her? Anything anyone has read and found helpful?  Thank you in advance. 

 I was having a manic episode it was bad. I knew what I needed but I didn't have a way to get it... or so I thought.... I vented to the sadist I've been talking to and he gave me a solution. Bobby pins, yep bobby pins on my nipples, that's right on my nipples. I trust him so I obeyed. I went to my bed room and attached 4 for the left nipple and 3 to the right ( i couldn't get anymore on it.) and at first it was fine I couldn't feel it but by the time i had started the left the right had started their burning. at times i thought i was going to throw up from the pain.. it burned me. But i suffered for a reason, for him.  i tried everything breathing through the pain I tried holding my breath staying still, any thing. it was unbearable. i wanted to not disappoint him i wanted to be his good girl. so i did i squiggled and squirmed and suffered for him. after an hour he allowed me to remove my torture. After I was calm I was sane. I came to him i trusted in him i suffered for him and i was rewarded with peace of mind and knowing i had made him proud.

    thank you dear sadist once more..

 You know what we are going to do now? I shook my head from side to side. Well we are going to try the very thing you’ve been dying to try, been begging me for. I am going to electrocute you now.  He was right I had begged, through all out all our messages I mentioned it several times. I wanted to feel electricity run through my body. Now that the moment had come, I was terrified. I looked up at him wide eyed, breathing hard, hyperventilating. I fought against my urge to move away I fought against my brain screaming at me to run. He looked down at me amused. He was enjoying my fear, was so palpable in the air he could probably smell and taste it, he the predator, me the willing prey, a beautiful balance. In this moment he was MY sadist, I was HIS masochist and we needed each other. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath finding my resolve. I would not die here; this is just pain and WE need it. I got onto the frame with my arms and legs spread wide and watched with a sort of fascination and slight panic as he tied each arm, ankle and thigh tight and securely to the frame I tested the rope flexing my arms and legs. I wouldn’t not be able to thrash about as my body took an ass whipping from the electricity. Panic set in again and I started hyperventilating again.

    I looked in his eyes and seemed to know in that moment I just needed to stare at him for a moment. In my head I reminded myself I would not die here this is for my Master I am no good dead to him. I will not die here. My breathing calmed and he gagged me with a cloth. This was going to be bad. He started hooking me up. Nipples first that was painful, and I screamed, He grinned. Then he was at my pussy, spreading my lips and clamping them I thought I was going to rip the rope from the frame as I screamed and tried to thrash but they held strong never wavered, like him, and held me still, Like him. He held up an electrode and told me this was going inside of me and he slid it in my pussy. He held up a clamp and said last one guess where it goes? He grinned as I started to cry this was going to hurt… a lot…. He clamped my clit and the pain made my back arch involuntarily. I screamed and screamed but it was muffled by my cloth and tape gag. It was a good thing because I would have busted both our ear drums. Then it hit me like a brick wall the most intense pain I had felt…yet…  the worst was still to come but, in this moment, nothing could compare to the volts coursing from my nipples to everywhere in my body. Then came the worst pain my clit, lips, pussy and nipples were on fire I was on fire my entire being was lit up. I screamed and screamed. It was muffled. He turned up the intensity and I begged him to kill me. In that moment I wanted nothing more than to just fucking die. I looked at him, I looked at the smile on his face, the joy in his eyes. He turned it up again and I convulsed against the rope. You don’t really want to die. This makes you feel alive, find away to get through this. its just pain.

  And he was right I didn’t and it did make me feel alive I was crying and screaming but as I focused on him his voice that’s all that mattered I was suffering but I was suffering for him not me I did not matter he did. Want to see what eight is like? He asked like someone else would ask if you wanted to go get ice cream. I just looked at him I wasn’t ready but for him I was he saw the resolve in my eye. Not that it would have mattered, he was going to do it anyway. My body was slammed with a force I didn’t think was possible I felt like I had been hit by a truck I felt as if I was going to die. Like actually die tears streamed down my face I screamed I moaned, and I pleaded as one earth shattering painful orgasm after another slammed into my body sending shock waves rippling through me. I was slipping I was losing my mind. Listen to my voice he said, and it was the only thing that holding me to this reality to this world to this plane of existence. So, l listened. Breathe, take a breath. I must have stopped breathing and the screaming must have been in my head because I then realized I had been holding my breath. It intensified the pain. As I took a breath in it drew the pain in as well as I exhaled, I screamed the loudest I had ever screamed and released some of the pain. He spoke again I’m going to stop for a moment you have done well. You have suffered well for me. Good girl. Tears streamed down my face as he turned the power box off. He told me he was unclasping my clit and I cried harder this time with joy. He told me not to get excited it was still going to hurt. He released the clamp and he was right the blood flowing back to my clit made it throb like a heartbeat. Now you know we aren’t done. You only made it to eight we have two more to go. He smiled and laughed I sobbed. Are you ready? I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I opened my eyes and looked into his deep and found my resolve again. I shook my head yes, I could do this for him, I would suffer for him. At that he turned on full power. There was no mercy, I was on fire but this time I looked into his eyes the entire time and instead of being tied to my pyre I was clinging to it. I knew my purpose and I screamed but I screamed for him. And then it went black....  

 Thanks to the sadist I have been in discussion with and interviewing to help me formulate this fantasy of mine and giving it reality and fullness it deserves from this experience... I am grateful and honored to be in your presence.