Complete submission??

Have you ever craved something so much, needed it so bad you could almost taste, hear, see, or feel it? I'm talking about a yearning so deep that you feel like you're going to lose your mind? That is how I feel most days. Irritated, frustrated, needing something, like something is missing. That's because there is and has been all of my life. I'm a masochist that has never really felt the touch of a sadist or the sweet pain and release he can bring. I shut it down most days leaving me numb until my depression takes over again and that's when the urge is the worst. When I'm so low I already feel less than human I need that pain to bring me back.