I wake up and for a second and I mean less than I second, I had forgotten where I was, but it all came back to me before my eyes could even think to open. I screamed; the sound inhuman. I was no longer human I understood that. I wanted to scream for him to stop but I couldn’t. No words formed in my brain, no thoughts just pain. Intense overwhelming soul shattering pain. I tried to move I couldn’t. I was suspended from a hook. My hands bound with rope, above my head, on the hook just high enough I was on the balls of my feet. If I lifted my legs it felt like my shoulders were being ripped from my body, so I kept my toes on the floor. I squirmed as the shocks of pain washed over my body. I was being whipped. I didn’t think I would survive; I didn’t want to survive. I reminded myself I came here I asked for this I will endure it. What got me through was a mantra I had thought up so that when things got too much too painful and I wanted to stop I wouldn’t.
My Master is a sadist this is what he needs I only exist for his needs. My master will not kill me, I will survive this, I will not stop him. Holding on to that in my mind kept my safe word locked deep I will not use it. I could hear his laughter as he cracked the whip and I flinched. He mixed the mental and physical abuse well. Hold still he instructed me. Even if I could move, I was too afraid to. Disobedience was not tolerated. I couldn’t see what he had brought out, it was behind my back. Well played, the anticipation, anxiety, and fear were overwhelming. What I could see though was a timer.
That timer was almost as torturous as the pain that was being inflicted on me. I had signed my contract for seventy-two hours; I had been here for sixteen… If I was able, I would have to train my mind not to think of the clock not to look at it. I was here to feel. To exist, by bringing my destruction my Master is giving me the gift of rebirth. I came to him as I am empty, broken, worthless, I gave my self to him completely to break me rebuild me, make me new. This gave me new resolve as he fastened the devise around my head that kept my mouth fully open, jaws fully extended. I hadn’t thought to look at my body in a while I was sure I looked like I had been killed brought back and killed again. This is day one.....