I have always enjoyed browsing and reading profiles on this site - not to find a partner or even start a conversation, but simply out of curiosity. I read to learn, to see the world from different perspectives and walks of life. I read to get to know the people here, at least to the extent they wish to present themselves. I read to get a feel for shared opinions, beliefs, values, desires, limits, expectations, and mentalities. In all of that reading, and the many profiles I’ve looked through over the years, there is one very common sentence that always seems to appear:
“My submission needs to be earned.”
And yet, I have seldom seen that expressed from the other side of the slash. From my recollection, I can’t think of more than, perhaps, five profiles from a Dominant’s perspective that have mentioned their expectations for one to earn their dominance. Of the few I have seen, most were written by women.
And so I think to myself: why is that? Speaking generally, why do we, as women, feel it imperative to state that our submission or dominance must be earned? Furthermore, why do we so rarely acknowledge that we, too, must earn someone’s submission or dominance, if they are indeed things to be earned?
I realize this can be a contentious and touchy subject, and likely even a controversial opinion on my part. But I also feel it is an important topic to bring forward - one that hopefully encourages people to think.
We, as women, often benefit from double standards, and the impunity that comes with them. Why is it fair to say that our submission must be earned - for that belief to hold so much weight that it becomes part of our very first impression - yet say nothing of how we intend to earn someone’s dominance? Why is it fair that I constantly read on profiles, “thou shalt not send unsolicited nudes,” and see entire blogs dedicated to criticizing men for sending them - yet in personal conversations, I hear from Dominant men about receiving unsolicited and unwanted pictures from women? And I cannot recall a single instance of women being called out or criticized for such behavior, even though we cast the first stone.
It’s not a topic that many like to acknowledge, and one that fewer still want to speak on, but it is important and deserves attention. Why are men held to a different standard than women? We are all human, and we should all be held to the same expectations - especially if we are the ones preaching them the loudest.
Please let it be known that I don’t mean to ruffle any feathers or point any fingers. I speak only from my own perspective and experience, and that which I have personally observed from my time here, but I also believe this subject deserves reflection. My intent is not to provoke, but to perhaps invite consideration of something that impacts us all.