Hello!
Hello!
How are you?
How are you?
I asked you first!
I asked you first!
Oh, that's reeaallllyyy mature...
ahem... please excuse us...
Self play...
Abrupt topic change, I know, but bear with me here...
Self-play: What is it, how is it done, and what does it entail? Probably all the same question with the same answer, but I might actually have a chance at putting my thoughts into comprehensible English if I rephrase them enough times.
How does one act out BDSM without a partner?
As a submissive, I'm aware that some things can be done alone. Shibari comes to mind - using rope to create intricate and pretty patterns - though I have yet to explore it myself. Inflicting and experiencing pain in any manner of ways, be it flogging or piercing or paddling or whatever else. Tease/denial, edging, and orgasm control. I suppose, in the physical sense, you might even be able to act out things such as bathroom control, should you hold yourself accountable.
But then I have to wonder: if you are both acting out/inflicting/enforcing these things, and experiencing/feeling/receiving them, wouldn't that make you both the Dominant and submissive? Is it simply a matter of what headspace you're in, the role you're playing, or the scene you're imagining and enacting?
If that's the case, would it be possible to use those same actions to act out dominance instead?
To use an example - you're engaging in self-play and, say, paddling yourself. Depending on your headspace, could the intent behind and subsequent pleasure from that be either masochism or sadism?
Both?
Neither?
Maybelline?
Personally, I don't quite understand how to engage in self-play. The mental/psychological/emotional aspect is a very large part of my desires, rather than purely physical. How can I fall into a deeply submissive headspace when I know there's nobody there to catch me? How can I play alone when my deepest satisfaction is derived from being guided, controlled, used, possessed, and owned entirely? From being given orders/commands that I can either reverently obey when he wants compliance, or tauntingly defy when he wants a fight?
I am an overthinker to my core (as you may or may not be able to tell), and I have yet to find anything I can do by myself that quiets my mind enough to truly let go. Desire strikes and I will take care of the physical, but trying to find that submissive headspace and embrace the mental is akin to chasing a runaway train wearing lead boots.
**I'm the one wearing the boots, to clarify - not the train. Trains prefer sneakers, considering they're always running on a track**
I guess what I'm trying to say is: how does one engage in self-play if their desire lies in being directed, guided, and dominated by another? I can run through the forest at night, but it would just make me feel like an idiot rather than prey, knowing I'm not being chased by my Daddy.
PS - here's a cookie for anyone who actually understood that first reference 🍪
I like you