Most of us who have been in the lifestyle for some time understand that for some it is a fantasy world where dreams are made to come true but frequently do not evolve into what we think it is supposed to look like at the end of the day.
I have had the opportunity, as most who know me are aware, to be a deprogrammer from around 1985 moving forward through the years. In that time I have helped to unwind damage done by religious zealots, Abusive spouses, abusive parents, controlling individuals from many walks of life that afforded them power over people in their charge or just plain psychotic control freaks who decided that being a Dom would be a good way to get to smack some ass or dispense punishments to unsuspecting victims who find themselves in involuntary servitude situations from which there is no escape. Of course the desireability
BDSM is a combination of Bondage (tying people up) and Discipline (spanking a willing ass) Sadism (Inflicting Pain) And Masochism (enduring and enjoying pain).
The presence of the D and the S in the acronym is not an indicator that Dominance and submission are part of the above mentioned Fetish.
BDSM is a fetish or group of fetishes while Dominance and submission are actually part of a lifestyle practiced by millions of mentally healthy individuals who, because of personality traits they possess, prefer to be submissive (type b personality) to an individual who has a Dominant personality type (Type A personality), and the converse is true as well.
There are a number of offshoots of these individual preferences that are often something that should be approached with caution. One that causes me a bit of concern are the women who call themselves "FinDoms" who consider themselves worthy of your financial submission, "send me $500.00 and I will let you lick my boots." Hmmmm, those are also referred to as "Professional Domme's" or, there is another word that is used for them but it seems to escape me for the moment...
Dominance is a mental attitude, as is submission.
Lines are often blurred as are definitions of the various types of play. I spent some time talking with one submissive who said that playtime had turned terribly wrong with a wannabe Dom who, after he tied her to a bed, and began to flog her, completely lost his head and began beating her with no mercy, her safe words did nothing, screaming and crying did nothing, it was not until she was bleeding from the wounds on her back that he came back to his senses to a degree and stopped what he was doing.
The heart of a true submissive is such that they will endure whatever their Master has asked of them no matter what. Pain is a little consequence but it is real and it hurts just the same. As is the agony of loss when a relationship ends. Sometimes the relationship never should have begun but selfish desires will often get their way no matter the cost.
After hearing some of the things I hear from Subs about their mistreatment I have a hard time keeping my temper in check, it makes me want to introduce some sanity into the head of an individual who thinks they actually deserve to be served and adored even though they are a jerk and have every right to be because "after all, I'm the Dom and you promised to submit to me."
So if my little diatribe has pissed you off, get over it, if it makes you think, good for you. If it keeps even one sub from harm then it did as intended.
S