Reading journals has me thinking of all the issues we have to deal with in this lifestyle. How we give our trust to play partners or long term partners. The depth of play when we take that plunge. The emotions we go through. How we give up parts of ourselves to either dominate or submit.
It's not just one or the other that can be affected by the dynamic. We all have feelings and desires that can be hurt or taken away. I've seen both Doms and subs affected so critically that they either leave the lifestyle for awhile or bury themselves in multiple play partners to mask the pain.
I've met true lifestyle people who are dedicated to making their dynamics work and I've met those who only play a part because it fits into their needs of kink and cheating. I've met Dominants who are dedicated and some who come out only when they need to feel powerful. I've met submissives who NEED to submit and I've met submissives who use submission to play with many to get that acceptance of being a slut, but in the wrong sense.
I needed to add this because I don't want to sound hypocritical or unfeeling. I know there are some genuine Dominants who are in unhappy, or unfulfilling vanilla relationships. Those who are dedicated to the lifestyle or have true kink and Dominant needs. I do not fault them for seeking someone to serve them. But there are many who use that persona as a way to cheat.
For me the lifestyle is about serving my one. Giving only him the deepest, darkest part of me. To trust in that one person who will take me to the edge, push me, and then catch me at the bottom. That one who does not judge me for my perversions or my need to be controlled. That one who knows that the control I want him to take from me is actually controlled by me. That Master who takes my submission, my servitude, and builds it up, trains me, to be the best I can be for him, for me. I need only one and that one has found me.
I have no illusions of our dynamic to become 24/7 or forever. I know I will be released some day. And I accept it with no reservations. If it is not mutual or because of my need to be released, I will be hurt, I will feel lost, maybe even feel unneeded or unwanted, I will drop for a long period of time. But my strength will keep me above water, treading, until I find my footing again. I will never drown in my sorrow of loss.
I may be submissive, a slave, but I am far from weak. I may have the need for pain but not to be abused. And I may need my Master, now, but I can survive without him.
I'm a proud submissive, slave, and I am worthy.
