I had a little moment yesterday where I was feeling annoyed with Daddy, and it wasn’t easy not to argue with him.
First, a little back story. Our family follows a clean, organic keto diet. We avoid carbs, seed oils, processed foods, and only eat grass fed and finished beef, wild fish, and organic chicken. Among other things. Every now and then we will eat out and accept the fact that we don’t really know what’s in the food.
I had a busy day at work yesterday, I saw 6 therapy clients back to back which is very draining. As I was leaving I called Daddy and asked if I could pick up dinner because I felt too tired to cook. He was in a meeting and he was a little short with me saying “No you will not. We have plenty of food here. I’m in a meeting and will see you when you get home.” (He works from home) I was highly annoyed and almost said something like well we might have food but I don’t want to cook said food. Instead, I bit it back and simply said “Yes Daddy I’ll see you soon.”
When I got home he was still in his meeting and I was still dreading cooking and stewing a little bit over it. When he finished his meeting he came up stairs and told me he was sorry if he was snippy with me. He said something like he knows I’m tired and he’s going to cook while “You sit there and look pretty while having some wine”. In that moment, obedience went from feeling heavy to me realizing how grateful I am for such an amazing Daddy.
So here’s the thing, deferring to your Dominant without question or argument is not always easy. I had a million reasons to argue with him on the phone about it, but I didn’t. Which is great, yay me for holding true to my submissiveness, BUT I didn’t obey with trust. I obeyed and then I was resentful rather than obeying while trusting him to not only make the decision but to also take responsibility for making the decision.
I wasn’t wrong for the way I felt because we haven’t fully developed our trust foundation. Trust doesn’t happen in a day, it happens both organically and intentionally over time. Trust is also a living organism, so to speak, and you continually have to foster and grow it. This little every day type of interaction ended up adding to our foundation of trust, and the next time I defer to his will, hopefully it will come to me more easily and without resentment.
This is what is required of us as subs, we have to be self aware, practice self reflection, and learn from our experiences. If you don’t put in the work to do those things, you’re never going to achieve a long lasting healthy dynamic. Of course, those things are required for the D too, but I can’t really speak to the dominant perspective.
The key takeaway here: Submission isn’t just about obedience; it’s about learning to trust that obedience will be met with care.