Daddy and I have been loving life, and we have been working through a couple of D/s related issues.
The other day I asked Daddy if I could have a drink (alcohol) and he said no. Daddy controls what and when I drink. I said “I like when you control me, Daddy” and he went off on a tangent about how he doesn’t control me, but he TOTALLY does. It upset me that he would deny it because it is, at least from my perspective, foundational to our relationship. He commands and I obey, period. I sat with it for the evening and the next day. On my way home from work I was muttering something about “doesn’t control me, ha! I’ll show him” and I went to the liquor store and bought a small bottle of Fireball. I love Fireball but Daddy won’t let me drink it because it’s high in sugar. So I come home and he’s still working (he works from home on California time). I drank the whole bottle plus 2 shots of vodka. Cooked dinner and we all sat down to eat. Daddy didn’t notice until after dinner and he said “Why are you slurring your words?” And I said because I’m drunk. Now normally Daddy won’t let me drink more than 2-3 shots, so when I said how much I had he got VERY angry. We went downstairs and he said he wants to know why I’d do that, and I said because you don’t control me, reeeemeeember?? Then I started crying because he was so angry with me, and he has never been angry with me and given me that mad look. He said that he understands and he supposes it felt like rejection when he said he doesn’t control me. We talked through it a little while and everything was ok. The next day he told me he hears me and he understands why I’m upset that he hasn’t made an effort to learn how to be a Dom/Master and he bought a series of books to educate himself with. He is so sweet and thoughtful and kind. So we’re back to homeostasis and all happy again. He’s been playing with me more often and reading the books, he said he finally understands why I call him Daddy. I had no idea that he didn’t really even understand that and feel a little guilty for it. I’m glad he’s educating himself and I am so proud to be his girl. I could not have found a better man to share my life with.
I was also struggling with kink withdrawal because Daddy hasn’t been very playful and he definitely isn’t feeding the masochist in me. It was so bad that I became concerned that it might be our undoing. I feel better about it now that I know he’s taking an interest in learning his role, so I’m placated for now. Next weekend on our kid free weekend I plan to ask him if I can show him how to hurt me. I spent several years in a long distance dynamic so I’m well versed in hurting myself and getting myself into subspace. Daddy has serious issues with hurting me and doesn’t understand it and the times he’s tried he doesn’t do it enough. I figure if I show him he might feel better about it. He might also enjoy the show 😂
I’ll update after next weekend about how it went!