Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to pay our respects to our dear departed friend, Vibby, the USB-charged wonder who lived a life full of highs—literally and figuratively—and endured a merciless owner who just couldn't get enough.
Vibby wasn’t just any vibrator; she was a cutting-edge piece of technology, always fully charged and ready for action. She knew no boundaries, no limitations—except, perhaps, the occasional low battery. But even then, she would rally, plugged into her trusty USB port, quietly charging up for her next heroic endeavor.
Her owner, let's be honest, was a bit of a tyrant. Vibby was used daily, sometimes multiple times a day, without a break in sight. She faced her duties with the kind of bravery you rarely see outside of superhero movies. Every charge was like a battle cry—she was ready to go, no matter how many times she’d been drained before. The glow of her little charging light was a beacon of hope, a signal that soon, very soon, she’d be back in action.
And action she saw! Vibby was the unsung hero of self-care, the silent partner in late-night marathons, and the key to unlocking more doors than any of us care to count. She vibrated her way into our lives and hearts with a dedication unmatched by any other device. There was no off day for Vibby—just the occasional pause to recharge before she was right back at it, shaking things up like only she could.
Vibby’s life was short but oh, was it impactful. She lived fast, buzzed hard, and gave it her all every single time. She may have been small, but she was mighty—delivering joy, pleasure, and a bit of soreness here and there. She didn’t just meet expectations; she exceeded them. And even when her battery was on its last legs, she would valiantly fight to keep going, until finally, even a USB charger couldn’t bring her back.
So today, we bid farewell to Vibby, my steadfast companion who charged through life with unparalleled energy and enthusiasm. Let us not mourn her passing but celebrate her life—a life lived to the fullest, a life that truly gave until it could give no more. Rest in peace, dear Vibby. Your legacy will live on, and while your USB charger may sit idle for now, it won’t be long before it finds a new purpose.
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