I will give a wee trigger/content warning here dealing with some aspect of bullying. Not often I do that but I know it could bring back some bad memories for folks.
In one of my many introspective moments last night I had a little think on why and how I am into what I’m into...obviously in a kink sense, cos I’m obviously into Heman and horror films because they are cool as fuck.
Although I have just, relatively recently, started to explore my submissive side I have genuinely felt that it was something that was always part of me.
As I looked back I tried to think of anything that “flicked the switch” and I rembered a couple of instances from when I was wee.
The earliest thing I remember is when I was about 7 or 8 and I was playing out my back garden and I heard sombody shouting me over, it was an older girl that went to the same school as me. She was in p7 I was p3 or 4. We weren't friends and I don’t even know her name.
I went over to her and asked her what she wanted, she said she wanted in the garden, we had a big fence and wall so couldn’t just come in. I told her no and she slapped me and called me a little bitch. I was pretty upset she laughed and walked away. I remember feeling pretty embarrassed and upset, but something a bit exciting too. I know that this was not a positive experience, but I think it started something in my brain.
About a week after this at school I was just going back to class after lunch and the same girl grabbed me pulled down my trousers and pushed me into the girls toilet. The handle was broken and I couldn’t get out. Again totally embarrassed and upset. The teacher had to come and find me. Again as bad as it was at the time I do remember a bit of thrill from that feeling of vulnerablity.
There are instances but those are the earliest I can think of.
I know none of the above was positive but I do think it was instrumental in unlocking something in my wee head.
I know nobody asked for it but I find it helpful when I’m thinking about things to type it up. It’s good to help understand yourself I think.
till next time.