Learning to be a true slave

it has been getting more and more used to the silence its mentor imposes upon it. Each night in its cell stretches on for what seems like an eternity. In the beginning of the night, tied in tight chains and unable to lay down, its brain fights the pain but normally, it has its mantras to keep it company. Last night it was told complete silence, not even mantras. 

t obeyed but what had become affirming in the dark was gone and the first hours were a struggle, its brain trying to make sense of the pain, isolation and sensory deprivation...its a slave, this is its home...tried to creep in over and over in its subconscious mind...but it never once spoke the words....just deep dark silence. 

And then it slept...or did it? dreams and fantasies came. The fantasies become more real...he said to it, when the fantasies feel real you are sleeping...they feel real. They are extreme to say the least. its deepest darkest fantasies of being...a gimp?...coming true. having everything restricted, every body function, even the food and water taken over for it by machines...kept in suspended animation until its someday Master wants to use its holes or punish its body. 

No thoughts enter of politics or troubles in life, only peace and darkness and suffering in stillness as it goes further down the hole...

Last night was the second night that I spent in the cell in severe bondage. Both myself and my mentor wanted to up the ante to make the bondage even more strenuous than the night before. It suggested that its hooded head be attached via a chain to its labia piercings. In this way a sudden move of its head would cause it to pull on the rings causing an "ouch" response. In addition to that it put the electrified dildo in its pussy and turned it way up to a somewhat random setting. 

Why does it want this? Why does it enjoy pain? why does this very restrictive bondage thrill me like it does? Honestly...it has no idea. All it knows is that the first 5 hours were torture, a maelstrom of thoughts, head spinning with one thought after another. The pain of my limbs, the knowledge that it WANTED this, the wetness in my electrified pussy, the hands and feet that are nearly helpless but not quite. Yes, i cried again...yes, I fought my urges to escape it, yes I absolutely loved it and want more. It can't say why still. It feels itself changing, loving the silence and the exquisite pain, but still not sure why. 

Half way through the night it woke up. Didn't even realize sleep had come, but it was panicked and felt it had to get out. It took everything apart and gave itself a break. My mentor was there with me guiding me through it even though it was 4 am. Thank you for that! After a break it was determined it would finish the time, hooked itself up and honestly, don't remember another thing until the alarm went off. it slept like a baby. 

Throughout the day he has asked me for my thoughts, for how things felt, for my fears. All it can think of is it wants more...how even with the tough parts it is craving it. What will change over the coming days and weeks? It does not know what growth will occur only that there will be growth and pleasure and pain. Right now it is trying to earn more than 3 minutes on its fuck machine! 

It has, for many years now, been in the BDSM "scene". It had one very long term Master in a poly household and would have considered itself a slave at the time but really it was more of a submissive. its a professional, mature woman and It has some idea of what it wants for the rest of its life, but needs direction and purpose. A true north star, a Master who will mold it to be what he desires. It wants to live for his pleasure and to serve his needs as a slave. 

I have found a mentor. He has been guiding me toward its desire to be a perfect slave for a future Master, should it find that person. We have started with taking away any masks that it carries in the outside world to strip it down to its basest self, a thing or an it. How it eats, how it shops, how it conducts itself when its not working...all of those things are changing. All of them are expanding its view of who it is and what it is. 

It turned its hall closet into a cell for itself. It wanted a cage but the cell is even better because it's dark and has a door that closes it off from the outside world. For the past few nights it has slept in the cell for long periods, 12-13 hours. It also spends time in there during the day. It is becoming a desired place to be, for quiet, peace and reflection. It is always in some kind of bondage in there. Cuffs, chains, always gagged (inside or outside of the cell) and, at night, hooded with a leather sensory deprivation hood. 

Last night, it was in the most strenuous bondage yet. Hands cuffed and attached to one set of chains and feet cuffed and attached high up on the other set of chains. In this position all it could do is sit mainly on the back of its ass. it is kept in a diaper to protect the floor as it is not allowed to release itself from its bondage until the time he sets. It is also plugged. 

After it got itself attached to various chains and got its hood on and snugged tight it just sat in complete darkness, immobility and silence. Now it was panic time...those first few minutes when it realizes it is in for the night, unable to move, unable to speak. It wrestled with its thoughts for the first few minutes...I don't actually know how much time passes...and then it started its mantras. It is a slave...this is where it belongs...over and over and over...like a meditation...making it feel like it is a true slave, making it true. It goes from that to tears to a few minutes/hours of sleep and then back and forth...feeling the pain in my limbs of its immobility, determined to not fail itself...saying the mantra, wondering how much time is left and on and on through the long hours. it does not know how long it slept. It does not know how many hours it is awake. All it is aware of is darkness and silence and pain. It wakes up and takes the hood off and finds a message from him... let me see your face. It takes the picture and it looks into its own face and all of the emotions on it. Is it becoming a true slave it wonders? At that moment all it can think of is the pain and that it has to get ready for an appointment quickly...

And pleasure...happiness that it survived it. Happy that it proved it could overcome anything and not give in to its fears and moments of weakness when it thought how it could so easily just take the hood off for a short time. Each day feeling stronger, not weaker. Each day looking forward to its time in its cell. 

It wonders what way it will be trying to sleep tonight...