1000LivesLived

Throw back to many many years ago. Long before I really began to understand I may have slight kink tendencies, I loved to bite. Still do.

It was a joke amongst super close friends that I should have a warning label "Dont get too close, girl may bite."

So years ago I am out for lunch with a coworker and we arrive at a pizza place that advertised their pizza buffet. We were excited and when researching we thought they ran until 2. We arrived at 12:50. Upon arrival we tell the waitress we are there for the buffet, she gave us a weird look and shrugged. We make our way to the buffet only to notice it is mostly empty. We take a slice and decide to wait for fresh pizzas. They never come out. We finally ask the waitress, who informs us their buffet closes at 1. Oops. Embarrased now at our mistake we burst into laughter and try to figure out what to do. 

The waitress comes back and tells us the cook will make us each a fresh small pizza to make up for our Err. At this point I am extremely embarrassed and back then couldn't handle making any sort of a scene. So I decline. The waitress insists, the cook is waving at us to come up, people are staring. Red faced I approach the cooks window and he tells us dont worry I dont bite and to my utter horror I give the reply I normally tell me friends. "No but I do". 

Not sure if you've ever willingly or unwillingly shared a hint or joke of your kink outside of similar interest groups but I highly recommend you avoid doing so. Especially in front of strangers in a semi crowded resturant. 

There was a good minute of pure silence before I squeaked out my order and darted back to the table.

My friend comes back howling with laughter at my error. A few minutes later we recieve our pizzas from the annoyed waitress who informs us "This is from the weirdo in the kitchen for the giggly girls, specifically the one who bites" and she lays down a napkin with the cooks number on it. 

So. Ya. 

The Death Bush continues to haunt me even from its grave.

The night following the removal of said death bush was disturbed by night terrors as I lept up trying to stop the shadow spiders from crawling back into the light on our ceiling. It ended up with me curled up in bed, lights on for an hour as I shook in fear.

The next day as I took a break from shovelling stones, I felt an itch on my arm only to see a small spider bite me. Cue swelling.

That evening as we sat on the porch I again felt tingling movement. Look down to see multiple little spiders climbing me. 

Monday morning dawns and I settle my little one down to feed and look up...to see 2 spiders on my bedroom ceiling hanging out. This is super unusual as in the entire 3 years we've owned this place I've only seen one spider in our bedroom.

Monday night crawl into bed finally at 2:30am only look down and see a house centipied take off across my bedroom floor (again unusual as most bugs dont make it to the upper level). Spent the next 20 minutes chasing this critter across my room before it accidentally fell down the vent.

Tuesday comes around and nothing happens. I breathed a sigh of relief thinking it was over.

Wrong.😡

 Wednesday morning I kill a jumping spider on my wall, wednesday afternoon I take out a slightly bigger one in our bathroom, later afternoon I kill one on our window and another in our bathroom. 

Then my husband tells me he saved my life today. That during his lunch time he killed 3 large spiders all hanging out in our kitchen.

Evidently I've angered the spider gods. 😭

The sun was shining, a cool breeze was blowing across the yard, birds singing from the trees and I? Scowling at a stump.

How did this begin? Well the two previous blogs explained the Why, Where, and What. Today was the how.

To begin I donned my gardening clothes, grabbed my water bottle, set up the stroller in a shady area, and then spent nearly 20 minutes trying to put sunscreen on a squirmy 8 month old, the end result being that both he and I, our clothes, our stove, our floor, his highchair, and 2 dish towels were safe from the sun.

We head outside and I set him up to play quietly. Then i turned to my foe. I wanted to see how much of a wiggle i could get out of the stump and proceed to learn a valuable lesson.

Incorrect footwear+Shorts+no gloves+a prickly multi branched death bush=A poor decision. 

I stepped onto a branch to apply pressure. That ending in the branch stabbing through my soft shoe and launching me sideways into the other protruding branches. Ouch.

Time to dig. I spend the next hour and a half tediously digging down and around the base, slowly but surely breaking through each and every root. I'm dirty, bleeding, scowling at a bush. I get my shovel good and deep and that is when my child has had enough. 

He decided playtime was over and used his very impressive vocal chords to alert my surrounding neighbors, most of whom come out to their porches to watch/judge me. 🤦‍♀️ I call my mom for backup. As I sit and hold my son, now calm in my arms, my brother (who was working on my basement with my husband and dad), comes outside and gets ready to leave. He stops for a few minutes to say hi to his nephew and that is when he notices the bush.

Like me, my brother despises these bushes and has experience getting rid of them. My mother arrives and holds my son, I go to start my tedious work again when my brother informs me this bush needs to go. He uses his steel toed shoes and strength to stand on the limbs and bend them, loosening their hold ever so slightly. Then he disappears for a few minutes. He emerges with an electric hand saw, my husband and father in tow. He gives me a powerful speech on how this bushes time has come and it needs to go now! It is time to work together! Enthused I grab onto the branches with bare hands, using the pain of them getting cut, to fuel my rage, I twist and pull, my brother on his stomach sawing underneath, my father jumps into the fray! We push, we pull, we tug with all our might, her roots let go, AND SHE FALLS BEFORE ME!

MUHAHAHHAAHAHAH 😈

IN TRIUMPH I AMAZON YELL AS I SLOWLY DRAG THE DEFEATED CARCASS ACROSS MY LAWN TO ITS FALLEN SOLIDERS. 

I pound my chest like a cave woman and throw it down onto the pile, paying no mind to the still judgemental look of my neighbors.

I return to the hole and gaze down with satisfaction coursing through my veins.

I Have Won.

So if you have read the prequel you would know why I have such a huge passion to remove this bush.

For those of you who didnt short version. Spiders of death. 

P.S. I forgot to mention in the first blog one of the reasons I hate spiders. I am (thankfully not deathly) allergic to their bites. I swell up pretty bad so I avoid them when I can.

Okay onto today. Due to the fact I am inept at gardening I enlisted my mother (who has a magical green thumb) and my MIL to assist. They bring tools and we lay them out on the grass. As we are discussing the takedown a nosey woman who lives nearby walks over with her dog. After a few moments of brief conversation she asks what I am doing. I inform her of my decision to remove the bush.

She looks at the bush, looks at the tools, looks at me, back to the bush, back to the tools, back to me...and laughs in my face. Our conversation goes as such. 

NW(NoseyWoman), Me(me!)

NW: With these tools hahha ya right.

Me: Well not all these tools but the hand saw yes.

NW: You realize that is going to be really hard?

Me: Yes.

NW: I mean like really hard.

Me: Yes.

NW: Veery tiring, hard work.

Me: Yes.

NW: Ohhh you must mean the little weed in front. I thought you meant the actual bush.

Me: I did.

NW: It will take you alot of time.

Me: And?

NW: You cant do it. 

Me:.....

NW:.......

Me: Watch me.😡

NW: This will be good! I should film this so I can show others and we can laugh.

Me: Go for it. Either way this bush will die by my hands.

NW: Okay dearie. Tell you what. I'll walk by tomorrow and see what you did. *Walks off laughing*

😑

I took a look back at the bush.

Time to die.

I took to it with a vengeance. (Side note I am also mildly allergenic to a lot of plants...bushes especially I break out in hives). 

I tear into this death bush, I yank its roots, i saw through its limbs, parts are falling around me, bugs are terrified of me and running away, spiders are scrambling up the walls. I work up a sweat. The entire time mumbling to myself watch me. Imma take this bush down, SCREW YOUUUU. I stop for 2 quick water breaks and go back at it.

I refuse to let anyone else take a go. 40 minutes later and this 5 foot tall, 3-4 feet wide bush is nothing but a stump.

I suppose I should thank the lady next time. After all the best way for me to accomplish something is telling me I cant do it.

Til next time when I get to battle the root 😉

This is the prequel to Part of Me vs the Bush of Death"

I apologize in advance for the long post but I wanted to write 😂

Background history.

I have never ever been into gardening. Every living plant life I have ever been given a chance to nurture and grow has died. The one time I thought I was doing so well it turned out the plant was fake. 🤦‍♀️

Well now I am somewhat older and I've decided I want a lilac bush in front of my house. In order for this to happen, I need to remove "The Bush of Death.

This is a huge, horrible, prickly bush the previous owners planted located right out my front window and right beside my front porch/door. This bush is almost the same height I am and maybe 3 to 4 feet wide. However that is not the reason I hate this thing. I hate it because every year between end of Spring to end of Fall it is home to huge, creepy, product of my nightmares, spiders.

Ive spent years battling my arachnophobia. I can now remove small ones from my house all on my own (unless I can't reach them in which I scream for help). This bush has the usual hosts of black and brown spiders, little ones, clear ones, daddy long legs, nests, jumping spiders etc...all of which I could handle if not for these helldemons.

They pop up out of no where and in less than a day have created a web almost the size of my large front window. From the eavestrough to my mailbox. That's right. My mailbox. Which is about 5 inches away from my front door. Every year without fail they appear. Hanging out in front of my window...peering into my world, trying to find a way in. Building homes all over my porch and they even have the audacity to build one IN my mailbox.

I loathe these creatures and from where they come. Last year I decided I had enough so I destroyed the massive web and used longgggg pieces of wood to kill this Spider. I was so proud of myself. Wake up the next morning to find the web has been rebuilt, I destroy it again and again kill another one.

Next morning I awaken to find the web has been rebuilt again and to double the size and now I have not one but TWO OF THESE MUTHAFREAKIN GIANTASS SPIDERS HANGING OUT IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE. I swear if they could speak they would be yelling at me like Girlll you gon kilt my cousin. We watching you 👀.

Needless to say I didnt touch the mailbox or bird feeder (located beside said death of death) the rest of the year.

So this year I decided I am done. 

THE PLANT MUST BE DESTROYED.

Time for another game!

You are the owner of the

Slightly Inconvenienced Store! 

What do you sell ? 

I sell bags of chip.

Every bag costs 1 cent and contains exactly one potato chip.

For a dollar you can have 100 bags ;) 

We stand together in the basement. The room has been demolished, all that is left are empty stone walls. A chamber that enhances every noise.

I tell him to strip, showing me his tempting form, now shivering in the cold. "Don't worry" I whisper in his ear "soon your ass will be red and warm under my care. All I need you to do is let me hear you."

He trembled under my hands and nodded his consent. I pause behind him for a moment before I let the paddle strike his cheek. The sound reverberating throughout the room surrounding us both in its beauty. The next few strikes differ in location and strength, his voice cracking in a mix of pleasure and pain, all adding into the cornucopia of music we are creating.

In between each movement I tease him, with kisses, fluttering touches, a warm mouth, and encouragement. He preens under my attention and my body responds to his joy. His reactions drive me.

Together our noises grow, the last two strokes set and poised. They ring out louder than the rest, a climax to our song. 

"Good Boy"

It is beautiful.

A few years back an ex wanted me to do a roleplay with him. He wanted me to be a midnight seductress. 

I...like to act. As this was only the second time I had ever been asked to roleplay I decided to give it my all. Got an outfit, figured out a character. Which turned into giving her a name, an accent, a background history. Tales of woe, lover betrayals, years of training to end up where I was. Hardened against love, stealing it from the night when and where I could. I had props, scenes, and goals. Hours of play planned out. 

As you can imagine that wasn't exactly what he wanted and he fell asleep only an hour into my scene. 

Oops?

Lesson learned. Sometimes less best 😉 Feel free to share your stories of woe and RP gone wrong! We all have to start somewhere 😂

Not sure if anyone is an office fan but this quarantine has me going a little stir crazy.

I have been ordering a few things over the internet (mostly important...some just fun 😉 )

When the other day several of my items arrived all together. In one package. 

Cue me dancing around our living holding this large package singing 

"I GOT A BIG BOX, YES I DO, I GOT A BIG BOX HOW 'BOUT YOU?!"