So allow me to preface this by saying a few key things. First I am not a nudist. I enjoy being naked for many reasons, but it's not something I desire to do all the time. I think nudity has its place in certain aspects and should be used as a tool to help us find who we are. Next, some quotes from last night.
"......" I spent a fair amount of time in silence last night, spending time inside my own mind processing information and sorting out my shelves.
"Come on, get some!" I jumped onto my Xbox and played through some campaign on halo 5. I was hoping to play a little online but my Xbox live pass has expired. I need to go out and grab a new one in the future.
"Gravy train" I wound up getting called to work an extra shift today. So I had a 1 day weekend and now I'm starting my week of work today. I need the money, so I'm grateful to have the opportunity to be here and to have the time to write a little blog.
Anyways, I am sitting in the office at work thinking about my day yesterday. When I got home from dropping my wife at the airport, I disrobed and spent the entire day inside my own house nude. There are a few reasons I wanted to do this.
To begin, I wanted to do whatever felt right and I have not had the opportunity to exist in my pure natural state for a very long time. I find nudity fulfilling. I'm not an exhibitionist as I don't really enjoy being seen, it's just something I like to do for myself. The thing is I have very poor eyesight and I wear glasses everyday. To me, wearing my glasses is a necessary adaptation that I require in order to function "normally". My natural state though is to exist without glasses. When I remove my glasses and view the blurry world, I see everything exactly as I can. Objects turn into fuzzy colours and general shapes, and I lose perspective of what is "real". At the same time I am experiencing life in my natural state. My true unaltered natural state. The same can be said about my height, weight and other physical attributes. Sure I can dedicate time to working out, eating a specific diet, and those things can improve my muscle mass. It's a slight change though, and only achieved through perseverance and effort. Its even easier to gain weight because that requires no discipline. No forethought. It's the easier path to follow because you choose not to exercise, and eat anything you want regardless of how it might impact you. These slight alterations are still within the parameters of your natural state though. No matter how much I exercise I won't become as tall as my brother. I can't become bigger than I am, or really change my natural state much outside of the choices I make. Whether I gain weight, or put on muscle though I'm still operating within my natural state. No matter if I put on 200 pounds, that would become my natural state through my poor choices in foods and lack of exercise. It's all about my potential as an individual to achieve or fail whatever I set my mind on.
So yesterday I wanted to exist purely in my natural state. When removing all my clothes I no longer allow myself to hide. Any imperfections become seen. Any part of myself I don't like, I can't hide. I expose all that I am, and bare my imperfections and shortcomings. I'm not doing it for anyone except myself. To look and see who I am, exactly as I am in this moment. It's about learning to just accept and see that I am who I am. No more and no less. I have put a lot of dedication into achieving mastery of my physical self, and through that journey I have more muscle definition. I can see my abs forming and I see the positive change in my appearance that my effort has brought forth. The thing to keep in mind is we have to think about the right goals in our lives. I have no set weight that I want to achieve. I have no desire to reach any level of "shredded". I just want to improve my mastery of my physical self, and be able to accomplish some goals I have set for myself. I have put a plan in place and am following it as closely as I can to be able to accomplish what I have set before me. My coworker says all the time "proper planning and preparation prevents piss poor performance." The 7 P's of life he likes to call them. He's not wrong, as you can mitigate a lot of issues by becoming prepared and following through on your plans.
Anyways, I sat with myself yesterday. Naked and exposed. I searched into my heart, my mind and looked at what I have accomplished in my physical self. I'm really happy with how far I've come and yet I'm nowhere close to my end goals for this lifestyle. The question who am I, ringing around echoing inside my thoughts. Trying to seperate who I want to become vs who I am. I'm making steps, I'm putting in the work. I'm finding out about myself more and more each day. I am also looking into an experiment which I hope will shine a new light onto my true nature, and help me become more centered in both sides of myself. My dominance and submission. I will be blogging about that event and hope to achieve a new level of confidence within myself.
As it stands now, I am just glad to be here at work helping my city. Working on my mental, physical and emotional well being. Doing all I can to find myself and work towards who I truly am.
Have a wonderful day, and remember to smile!