Hello Cage friends,
Life is tumultuous. Life is interesting. Life is hard.
We all experience different things. We all have different goals, and many times over our history shapes what is important to us. What we see as valuable because perhaps our past has shown us that this *thing* may immediately disappear. Each of us holds a different level of importance over all sorts of experiences, thoughts, beliefs and ways of life.
What is important, essentially important is recognizing in what ways you wish to expend your energy. Does it serve you?
Where do you expend most of your energy? When I speak about energy though I don't simply mean the physical effort put forward into a task. There is mental energy, spiritual energy, emotional energy.
Do you direct your mental energy towards understanding a certain topic of thought? Do you expend your energy in positive ways that will benefit you and those who serve you? Do you spend your emotional energy on those worthy of your time? Do you take the time to focus your physical energy on the most important priorities or do you fritter it away on relaxing watching Netflix? (This is a struggle for me personally as I can tend to prioritize relaxation as a high priority, when it should be my reward instead of my goal)
I am learning to focus myself accordingly to those things in my life that require my attention. I can still do a pretty poor job some days at being effective with my time though.
I have grown a tremendous amount, and just within the last few days I have noticed a shift in my patterns. I am really beginning to find my dominants will, the intention in which powers and sets me on my path.
When I first set upon bdsm I saw my actions as a way in which I could *do* something for someone else as they wished or wanted. In many regards I allowed myself to ignore my preferences or desires in some fashion in order to give the person I was speaking with what they wanted. I was being helpful, I was doing something for them just as they wished it to be.
I have recently realized the value of being able to express how I desire and see certain aspects of a relationship. I am now beginning to see the value and the importance of being able to express my will and my thoughts and my desires to those that matter to me. I am learning to say "This is of great importance to me, and here is how I wish to see you fulfill my desire. But I want to make it abundantly clear that my desire includes x, y, z and it doesn't include a, b, or c. This is why it includes x, y and z and why it doesn't include a, b, or c." In some ways not including a, b or c is done with care and consideration for your health, perhaps its because I don't enjoy b myself and therefore I would not wish to have my person experience b while they perform x. In essence, I am learning to define my preferences. What **I** want. What **I** desire to see and how I desire to see it be carried out. Thinking in this way has radically changed where I expend my energy. Because now I can clearly define where I am going, and now it's about searching out the path that puts myself and those who have placed their trust in me into that line of thinking, into that physical space, guiding towards this end goal that I see for myself and those who wish to serve me.
It is a powerful thing. It is a rebirth of how I see dominance. It is important. It is necessary. It has been life changing.
I recently finished a course on haute cuisine and the soft matter physics of cooking. I have realized that high level thinking is a challenge for me to understand. By no means am I unintelligent but I struggle perusing my way through "higher level thinking". Some of those courses especially when you get into the chemistry of cooking can be challenging to wrap your head around.
All things are made up of such tiny particles. Molecules that form and shift and change depending on what happens outside and yet on a scale that is almost unimaginable. Yet brilliant minds have worked at solving some of these phenomenon. They have proven that this is how the universe works and how these characteristics behave when you apply this specific change.
I want to master my mind. I want to grow my knowledge. I want to seek out the absolute best way I can do all of the things I imagine. I am very capable of doing all of this, but only if I take the time to expend my mental energy in such a way that helps facilitate that growth. If I sit on my couch and prioritize watching Netflix as my greatest achievement then guess what? My greatest achievement will be watching Netflix.
Why do I bring all of this up?
Firstly, because I think it's important. Second because I am working my final night shift before I begin a 2 week vacation. I have nothing planned. (Except an appointment to see an xray, ultrasound and a chiropractor appointment halfway through my vacation in order to try and resolve the pain I am currently experiencing in my left shoulder) I do not want to waste my time expending any of my energy in ways that are not productive. Of course taking time to relax, destress, and get my mind right are important but if that's all I focus on for these 2 weeks it will feel like wasted time.
Luckily I am changing my thought process, I am seeing what I struggle with and I am working at resolving my biggest issues. But it takes time to allow for permanent change to persist, it isn't a quick and easy thing. When you utilize your energy in a productive manner though, with a clear vision of improving an aspect of your life you will make greater strides towards accomplishing that goal.
I implore each and every one of you to expend your energy in productive, useful, and ultimately beneficial ways.
See the need in your life, and expend your energy (whether that require your mental, emotional, physical or spiritual energy) in the most productive way to accomplish that task. That is my goal for my 2 weeks. To see my need and meet it. To not allow myself to waste my own time. It is precious and I do not get anymore of it than I have been granted. The thing is I have no idea how much time I truly have which makes each moment monumental in achieving the most I can do right now.
I am going to be better than I was yesterday. Than I was earlier today. Than I was 5 minutes ago. I am going to get better each day, with intention at being my absolute best version of who I am.
I hope you enjoyed reading this, I hope you gained insight, and gained perspective on your own life.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, and may you have a day that is truly blessed.
