Good morning Cage friends,
Welcome to a new edition of the same old. There has been a tremendous amount of goings on in life. It can be insane. Challenging. Difficult. Stressful. Tiresome.
Life is stuck in a bit of a holding pattern at the moment although the flood gates are about to release. I know for many with the Christmas season just ending and New Years right around the corner many are trying to create New Years resolutions and goals for their future. For me, I dont actually "believe" in resolutions specifically for the new year. I think that we need to make change when it needs to happen. When we struggle and fall down hard. When we realize that we may be more broken in areas we thought we were fine.
I have set goals and ambitions for myself and have been working towards them semi diligently with moments of absolute dedication and moments of just barely passing the lowest standard over the last coming up on 2 years now. I have made progress in so many spaces and realized that I fall short in many more. I believe it is folly to wait for a new year to create a new me and that we should be developing and moulding ourselves each day. Especially once we achieve awareness of a shortcoming.
In all honesty, I have been struggling lately trying to manage aspects of my divorce. I am finding new levels of old issues that have plagued me for decades. Problems that have existed all my life and now with the current situation as it stands weighing down and showing me that: Yes I really do struggle in this area.
The thing with challenges and stress in our lives is that many times they are there because we have not learned a lesson. Right now I am working at establishing my boundaries, attempting to improve my self preservation and working at honouring myself and acting with integrity for myself. But I seem to fail more often than I succeed. Or so my mind likes to try and convince me. Because the actual factual truth is that I have made progress. I have found some success in these areas of my life. But I also do still struggle here. Immensely at moments. Overwhelmingly so at others.
I am trying to learn and actively participate in understanding when I need to set a boundary of enough is enough. When is that line in the sand drawn? When will I personally reach that point? In many cases I have mentally. I can voice my frustration about being fed up and wanting to be finished and done. But when it comes down to acting on it, I dont follow through.
So I dabble in golf, and by no means am I decent. I still have yet to break 100 as my best score last year was that exactly. (Although I did miss an eagle putt that could have set a record breaking 98 on my birthday) Alas it was not meant to be. The interesting thing about a golf swing is how the most minute alteration or adjustment can have large impacts on the result. Missing the sweet spot when striking the ball can net a vastly different distance travelled, can cause hooks and slices that put you right into hazards or take you out of play completely. The wind up of a golf swing is important, the contact is absolutely essential but the thing is if you don't follow through you will still fall short of where you are trying to go.
I am learning so many lessons. Life, its challenges can be wondrous opportunities to grow and radically improve. If you bring the right mindset to the approach and how you handle it. What is the lesson of this struggle? What is it that you need to grasp and own to move forward? Many things seem to happen at random, but each event and trial can be a learning opportunity to create the next best version of who you are meant to be.
I dont want to allow myself to become bitter. I don't want to allow negativity to pervade my life. I need resolution and forward movement. I am ready to end the last chapter and begin the next one. I am eager for what the future holds but I am also aware that I have some critical learning to do right now. I wont be able to move forward until I learn my lesson. I wont be able to take the next steps in life until I follow through and take hold of the current situation.
I am grateful for the many blessings in my life. I am grateful for the pain and strife because those things are forging into me the values and skills necessary to become a more complete human.
I hope the Christmas season has brought joy and happiness into your lives, that you have been able to reconnect with lost family or found new family. If you have been struggling over Christmas know that its only for a season, that it will pass and if you are willing to do the work it will become the foundation for growth and empower better things in your life.
To all those that take the time to read my words I thank you, and I hope you find something that encourages you on your journey. Be well and a happy New Year to A/all.