Good morning Cage friends,
We have a responsibility that we accept when we take charge of someone who willingly submits to our care. An excellent Dominant that I am fostering a relationship with has often said "You are Dominant not because of what you take, but because of what you have to give." I fully agree with him. Its not about what I get out of having a slave. Its not the service I receive the most. Its those moments when I manage to make a difference. Take for instance being able to repair a broken window from across the world to ensure my slaves well being that she doesn't freeze because now her window shuts. I was able to give her peace and safety within her dwelling and that moment of fulfilling a need and making tangible change for good in her life was a moment that was insanely fulfilling and satisfying. I like to solve problems and fix issues. I enjoy making things better and leaving a lasting positive change.
During this week my slave has been supporting my frustration endlessly. She has been there listening, offering her quiet courage, watching me express my frustration over things that matter to me but ultimately hold no great importance in the world. She has born the weight of my frustration and helped me carry my burden. She makes my day better simply because she's there. The thing is while she has been supportive and helping me manage my reactions I had noticed (but not verbalized) that she was struggling too. I could see it written on her face. With our trip coming up more and more her history is impacting her current state of emotions and mental space.
Now I first have a responsibility to myself. I need to care and manage my emotions because they are mine. I need to be self aware and walk my path forward, to forge a trail that she may follow in my stead. Before I can offer any assistance I need to ensure I am grounded, centered and secure. If I am unstable then I cannot help tether her.
I had a moment within the last few weeks where we had a mishap. I altered the game plan of our trip. I have all the authority to say "Nope, we are shifting this way now." Unfortunately when you don't have a clear vision for the future and what those changes will be it causes instability. Its like a ship rocking on a storm of giant waves. Your s type is putting all their faith and trust in you to manage and direct the ship safely through the storm. If you don't have a clear direction to get through those tumultuous waves or a gameplan that instability will impact her on such a cellular level it will destroy the dynamic if left unchecked.
I was caught in a moment where nothing I could do was able to help give her guidance because I misunderstood why she was feeling unstable. I couldnt comprehend where the disconnect was and no matter what I attempted I could not speak peace to her heart and mind. That was because I was missing a really critical element. I had stripped the floor right out from under her. All that she had based her existence on had vanished. Disappeared into thin air and she felt lost. She couldnt breathe. What was missing was giving her the grace of intention behind an action. Everything I asked her to do was based in a previous intention *I unknowingly removed*. It left her stranded and my instructions did not give her an intention to focus on. Sure I gave her direction of an action but it was meaningless without a mindset to approach it. Because the previous mindset that she walked into those spaces was gone and the actions were now left empty and void of any real benefit. The actions were empty and just screamed into her being the loss she felt and magnified the feeling of instability.
So how does this all tie together?
Today I saw on my slaves face her "disrupted/unsettled and trying to manage difficulty" face. Now I have been trying to manage myself and while I have been doing better than previous attempts I was quite focused on myself and not verbalizing the unsettled feelings I was witnessing in her. Because I was untethered the ground to which she attached herself was causing even more sway and shift, exponentially distorting her experience. Now while its important that I manage myself and create stable ground to help show her the way, she has given herself to me. She is my responsibility. It is my duty to assist her and work at creating a space where she will find success managing her own demons. Her own past trauma and history. I did not cause her pain and harm. I did not create the fear inside of her, but as we near the day we are set to meet this will rise as a tidal wave inside her. I have taken her on as my responsibility and part of that responsibility is working to create a space where she knows and realizes in every fibre of her being that I will not vanish. I will become more stable such that she may ground herself in me.
Part of this process begins with open communication. She was able to set herself before work and express "I am not okay, and as we go forward this will continue to rear its head." Now, if I had been on the ball I would have pointed out "You are not okay, tell me what is bothering you." I should have been able to work at identifying the issue but I am not a mind reader. Sure I can read body language and I am improving but W/we work in collaboration. I cannot do this alone. She brought to my attention am issue that I now get to help her work through. I get to do my job. I get to use my creative mind to speak to this trauma and work at healing this part of her damaged past. Even just bringing this topic to the forefront of communication allows U/us to acknowledge and allow a part of it to be placed at ease. Its not immediately fixed. There is still a ways to go to help speak peace and healing to this area, but we are walking towards healing together now.
It is my responsibility to manage what is mine. I need to strive to be healthy in mind, heart, body and spirit such that I create a stable foundation to secure and ensure the well being of my property. By working on myself I create the foundation for health and well being that allows growth not just in myself but in those that choose to accept my dominion over them. My slave has put this at my feet and it is an opportunity to grow our dynamic. To build trust. To bring about healing and improvement. I get to give. Now I just need to remember to create a solid intention behind the tasks and actions that I put in place such that there is clear direction and proper guidance. Its about creating a solid well defined plan of moving forward, sideways or backwards such that there is certainty and trust no matter which way we turn and move.
To those that read my words today I thank you and I hope that witnessing a small piece of O/our journey helps bring clarity and guidance on your own walk.
Mstr J