I recently had a conversation with some of my masochist friends about marking from impact play, and I wanted to share some of my thoughts and feelings here.
I love being a masochist, and I love marks. Before I had the opportunity to fulfill this, I remember all of the excitement I had regarding the first marks I would eventually get. Thinking about it gave me butterflies and a feeling of accomplishment. I had an unfortunate reality waiting for me, which is that I don’t really mark. Sure, I’ve had some small capillaries cave under the pressure. I’ve had welts rise up and redness spread across plenty of my skin, but it’s never really lasted. Even as someone who has a crying kink, no matter how long and much I endure, I’m left empty-handed.
So, I brought up my thoughts to my masochist friends: “Do you feel like you’re an imposter of a masochist because you can’t mark? Do you feel like your body is undermining your efforts and your Dominant/top? Is it hard to avoid the ‘competition masochists’ who make every session about the results they can obtain?”
I was really thankful to hear back from my friends that most of them related, and they struggle with this feeling of being a fake masochist. I also heard back from some Dominants about how it made them feel like they weren’t doing enough.
I think it’s really, really sad that so much of kink is competition and comparing yourself to others. It’s so hurtful bringing up my issues with marking and getting responses like, “You’re not doing it right!” or “Have you tried (insert suggestion here)?”. It also really stings meeting masochists, who’ve never felt this sadness, that are dumbfounded that someone just can’t mark. It’s not like I haven’t tried. I have the most impact toys out of every other category, despite it not even being my favorite kink to partake in. It’s moments like this that have prompted me to share my experiences and preface or end what I share with a statement, letting people know if they are free to give me their advice or input.
I’m not a masochist only for pretty shades of purple, blue, and green. I am a masochist because I enjoy how it feels. My body produces chemicals that make me feel good. I get giddy, happy, and feel serene. I’m a masochist because it’s a part of who I am as a kinkster.
Masochists don’t have to mark.
Some don’t. Some can’t. Some may not want to.
You and your kinks are valid, and you don’t have to change anything unless you want to.
Disclaimer: Masochists who mark are valid! The marks I see on some impact bottoms are stunning. My comments are only directed at people who can’t comprehend that marking isn’t obtainable for everyone (or isn’t even an objective). My comments are for the rude masochists and impact tops who have undermined me when I shared something vulnerable and painful. I am not looking for advice or input. Support and those who want to share their stories are more than welcome!
