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Dark bits.

well, it's dark bits of prose, isn't it?
2 years ago. July 12, 2021 at 8:42 AM

I entered a contest. At midnight they sent the writing prompts.  I had 24 hours to write a 1,000 word Ghost Story.  It had to take place in an oil field and there had to be a dollhouse in the story.

Not my best work, but given the constraints...

 

if you read this, any critique will be much appreciated.  

 

A Necessary Distraction

 

Jesse didn’t bother taking off his boots. Diane appeared in the small den with a look of disapproval on her elfin face. Jesse was too tired to care. The dirt didn’t bother him none and he couldn’t imagine it made any difference to her. After a 14-hour shift on the rig, Jesse felt more mud than man. The house, a small, drab company town special, always stank like fresh tar poured out on a hot August afternoon.


“Where’s Anna?”


Diane sat on the couch now. The cushions were thick with dust but she paid it no mind.
“Playing with her toys.” Diane gestured for Jesse to sit. “We need to talk.”


Jesse glanced down the hall at Anna’s room, ignoring the small knot of unease that began to worry at him.


“Girl ought to say hello to her daddy,” he grumbled.

Diane pretended not to hear him. Not for the first time, Jesse took note of how out of place his young wife looked here. A clean, pretty woman, sitting on a dusty couch with her dirty roughneck husband. For a second Jesse felt guilty about not taking off his boots.


“I told her to stay in her room for a bit. There’s something I want to talk to you about.”


Jesse didn’t say anything. He heard Anna singing Disney songs in her room, her voice just loud enough to be heard above the nearby oil rig’s monotonous machine squeaking. The thought occurred to Jesse that there was no true silence in their lives these days.


Jesse didn’t know why his wife stayed. They didn’t sleep together. Not even to sleep. Diane never came to bed anymore, preferring the couch, and Anna hardly spoke to him at all. He couldn’t remember the last time she had left her room. There were no neighbors nearby. Most of the families lived miles from the oil field and the few that chose to live on the oil field preferred the more modern – and more expensive – lodging further away from the rigs. There was nothing to keep Diane and his little girl here.


‘I don’t know what I’d do if they ever did leave,’ Jesse thought.
But part of him did know. Part of him knew exactly what he’d do.


“I know things haven’t been good for a long time,” Jesse swallowed. “I’ve always been; I mean, I never-“


“I know you haven’t been with other women.”


“I don’t want another woman, Diane,” Jesse said gruffly. I want you, but…” Jesse leaned in to take her hand but she drew back. It was a natural movement with no malice or alarm behind it.


“I want you to visit the Doll House,” Diane said.
Jesse looked uneasily at the floor.
“It won’t be cheating,” Diane said. “Not exactly.”


The Doll House was a ‘robot sex brothel,’ where a man could spend time with a lifelike sex doll. Jesse had heard some of the men talk about it.
Jesse stood up abruptly and walked away.


“I’m going to rinse the day out of my mouth and make some dinner. Go get Anna, please.”


Diane stayed where she always was.


Three weeks later Jesse found himself being led to the Moonlight Suite of the Doll House. The “suite” could have passed for a room at the Sheraton. Instead of a cheap television, however, there was a fancy touchscreen iPad with a credit card scanner. Jesse swiped his card, pressed the menu button and began scrolling through the available dolls. He ended up with a sexbot that looked like a younger, “perkier” Diane. He blushed at the improvements, but he didn’t change them. Jesse named her Rebecca. She possessed a rudimentary AI, and could hold simple conversations as long as he didn’t veer too far off script. Jesse spent 45 minutes to make sure everything about Rebecca worked. By the time he left her, he was hooked. He came back four more times that month.


“You should just buy her,” Diane suggested one day. She was floating behind the couch, not bothering to pretend anymore. Jesse quickly looked away. The suggestion didn’t surprise him, and it was what he wanted. What he needed. Still, he protested.


“Diane. It’s one thing to visit Rebecca at the Doll House. But bringing her home?”


“Don’t be silly,” Diane chided. “You need her, and you can’t afford to keep ‘renting’ her. Just make an offer and be done with it.”


“Diane, if you would just”-


“I can’t give you what you need, Jesse. I can’t give you what you deserve.” The room grew cold. “It has to be this. You understand?” Her voice was firm as iron. Jesse nodded.


Days later, Jesse brought Rebecca home.
“They have a payment plan,” he mumbled. Diane smiled, hardly glancing at the new guest. Jesse watched her anxiously as she walked down the dim hallway and disappeared.


Anna sat on the dirty box spring, looking up at her mother. The wall paper -Winnie the Pooh and friends – was torn and moldy now. Stuffed animals and a broken doll house were strewn on the floor. A rusted yellow shovel lay in a corner of the room, the paint of the shaft stained with something that was not rust.


“Who is she, Momma? Is she going to help us? Are we safe?”


Diane knelt down until she was eye level with her daughter and took her hands in hers.

“Of course we’re safe, darling. He can’t ever hurt us ever again.”


Diane kissed Anna on the forehead and lightly tapped her nose


“Her name is Rebecca. She’s very beautiful and she can’t be hurt.”


Anna giggled, “But why is she here then, Momma?”


“She’s here to make sure no one else has to worry about Daddy, baby, so he never bothers any girls again. "


Diane turned and seemed to look through the door. She couldn’t give Jesse what he what he deserved. But she could give the world this. She could keep the world safe from this monster.

 

 

 

Mister Anderson​(dom male) - Thank you much Gent.
2 years ago
ellefire​(sub female) - This is wonderfully creepy! Happy to make some suggestions that could foreshadow a bit more, but I enjoyed it. 🌸⚡🌸
2 years ago
Jack in the box -
The scene played easily in my minds eye - nicely descriptive and meets the requirements, yes?
A good write Mr A, thank you for sharing with us. ☺👍
2 years ago

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