I just left my therapist. The 9th one in the last 5 years.
I finally confessed? opened up? informed? my therapist about my submissive desires and got the same shit I've gotten with everyone else.
"You shouldn't base your happiness on someone else."
"You should feel empowered to be independent."
"You shouldn't allow someone to control you no matter which room of the house you are in."
Its frustrating. No one understands.
My "so proper" family would all die if I told them.
My friends, when I have them, are usually feminists. So don't even get me started with how they would react.
My boyfriend, ugh, just no. We'll come back to him in another post.
I thought I had a pretty good candidate for a Dom. He was everything I wanted, on the outside at least.
Then I slept with him. Oh it felt so good to let go. To not have to think and just listen to the voice in my ear. No questioning, no worrying, just doing.
The after care was marvelous.
Then I left and there was nothing.
He acted like I was nothing. Like I didn't just give him the most precious gift a woman can give. He just ignored me. No matter how much I begged. I called, I texted, I snapchated, used Facebook and Instagram and just could not get a response from him except the occasional "kennel up."
But he never told me what "kennel up" meant. No matter how many times I asked. So I just kept pushing.
I felt like I had a boulder on my chest that only he could remove. I cried myself to sleep.
My boyfriend wondering what on earth was going on and my daughter as my only distraction.
Why would he just leave me? Why would he just ghost me? Why won't he explain to me what I did wrong?
He knew I was like this. We've flirted for years and he had a thing briefly before I got pregnant.
I just dont understand. This not knowing is causing me to go crazy. I cant grip on to anything. If only he would just release me. Or something. I just can't do this anymore.
Hopefully I can find someone to help me forget about him. I'm just so sad.