There comes a time in the journey as a sub when we fall short of what is expected of us. Im not talking about an unintentional mistake or willfull disobedience when one does not care about the rules and restrictions laid out for us. I mean when we mess up when we want to obey our dom/masters rules but have a moment of weakness and overstep our boundaries. This happened recently a bunch of times to me so today I wanna share my experience with how I dealed with that.
Mistakes are a tricky subject for me partly due to how I was raised. I learned early on mistakes are unaceptable and must be avoided at all costs. My usual behaviour when I messed up was feeling im a failure and a disppointent to everyone around me. Often I felt all is lost and I can as well give because I messed everything up again. So I used to be very careful not to mess up and if did to hide it from others to escape their disappointment in me. As a sub hiding is no real option so I put much effort into never breaking the rules I was given. In my previous relationships as a sub that worked out somewhat and the very few times I wasnt strong enough it wasnt just me but something else that went wrong. In fact I was very proud of me being so utterly obedient which looking back almost bordered on being arrogant and overconfident in myself. Failing a task was not an option because in my mind that meant I am a bad sub and if I am a bad sub my dom will leave me of course.
With my current dom this is very different. The first rules I was given was to deny me any sexual pleasure and to refrain from sexual activity including sex talk or porn for as long as he sees fit. I am a pretty sexual person so with all my outlets restricted it became so hard for me even when I did like the idea and it turned me on a bit which certainly didnt help matters. So it didnt take too long before I messed which made me feel so frustrated. To my surprise my dom wasnt mad or disappointed in me. He told me he expected me to fail these tasks and he cannot be mad about something he fully expected when he set up these rules for me. ni matter how often I broke my rules he always forgave me after I was punished and told me to learn from my mistakes.
At first I was so frustrated and disappointed in me but in time I learned some valueable lessons. I learned that making mistakes is part of the journey as a sub and helps her to grow. It doesnt make me a bad sub or a disappointment to him and he wont leave me because of it. I learned that the real test is not to perfectly obey everything he orders me but how do I behave when I fail. Do I try to hide from him or do I tell him what happened from myself and gladly accept my punishment. The bad sub is not the one who gets weak and messes up difficult tasks but the one who tries to cover up her mistakes and does not learn from the mistakes made. As long as I come regetful to him and learn from my mistakes he will never turn away from me because this is what makes a good sub.
I getting better with my current tasks and set up some new records already. I will probably fail again at one point even when I try my best not to and that is totally okay. In fact my mistakes and failures help me to grow and become a better sub.