What's Going On?

I started fantasizing about being in a sub/Dom relationship when I started reading taboo erotica about 15 years ago give or take. But the reality of possibly living the lifestyle wasn't until I ended up in a chat room on KIK which was about something I had never heard about. Shortly afterwards, I left the group. Next thing I know, I got a message from this amazingly gorgeous guy asking me why I left the group. Well considering I'm from Kansas, I was ignorant as to what "bug chasing" was and instead of judging, I was curious about it. This man had a hold of my heart, my mind, and my entire self...and he still has me. After only a week of chatting and getting into some extremely intimate subjects we both wanted to video chat, but I always had company or was too busy. He told me he was falling for me and  I was falling for him. I wanted  to be his to use and to be my master more than ever. We started planning for him to come to Kansas from San Diego...then he disappeared. I googled his name and he apparently is an actor.He is whom I am looking for be ultimately. His words put me in a trance. H.S. please come back to me!!!