What's Going On?

"I wake in the morning and I step outside I take a deep breath and I get real high I scream from the top of my lungs..."
My blog is me naked, vulnerable, and honest.
2 months ago. Tue 17 Apr 2018 04:39:56 AM IDT

so today I finally met the guy in person that wants to be a daddy Dom for a baby girl. And once again, I have no idea if he and I want the same thing. I'm admit right now, I am very much in need of a caring, nurturing, and understanding man in my life that I can trust without fear. But I need him to help bring me back up to the place I was before not keep me needy and I think that's what he wants, is someone who will be needy for the rest of their life. I've always been very independent but I've always felt like I wouldn't be whole unless I had a man, a real man to share my life with. One that pleases me as much as I please him. Recently, I had the experience of taking a more non submissive role and I really liked it. I liked the fact that somebody would do what I said to please me. I'm not thinking I could be a Dom, but that's where I need help. I'm having trouble finding a place to get in where I fit in

2 months ago. Mon 16 Apr 2018 02:15:20 AM IDT

I am recently going through a transformation in my life. I used to think that what I was meant to be was a sub, but that has all changed due to circumstances in the past few months. I recently started talking to this guy who seems genuine, kind, and actually wants to be needed as much as I need somebody that will make me feel loved. My worst fear is to put trust in a man and then have him use my bad qualities against me and make me feel useless and worthless just like my father did. But this man seems to the most non judgemental person I've ever met. I've always made it a rule to divulge my poor decisions in my past that way if they decide I'm not good enough it saves us both a lot of time. But this guy acts like it's absolutely no big deal. Then I found them on FetLife. And his profile it said he was a daddy Dom without a baby girl. I'm curious to know what everyone has to say about the rules each one of them play in that relationship because it might be what I need right now in this time of my life. He needs to feel needed and I need somebody to help me get back to the person I was because I cannot do it on my own. Thank you in advance for your advice and help

2 months ago. Mon 26 Mar 2018 11:43:45 AM IDT

It's amazing how many years I have been in a very dark and lonely place without even knowing who I was anymore. My brother died and it was like I died with him. I didn't know how to cope with it, so I didn't cope with anything properly. My life headed into this unfamiliar territory where tragedy had become a normal existence to me. I went from being an independent, single mother of two boys (then 17&2), having a career as an Occupational Therapy Assistant which I absolutely adored, and was academically working towards my Bachelor's degree. All of a sudden, I found myself afraid to leave my home, extremely mentally unstable, and continuously sick with Shingles, MRSA, I was bitten on my lip by a spider in my sleep which almost killed me, immunodeficiency disorder, then finally cancer. I was unable to work and many days I never left my bedroom for fear of getting my boys sick just the same. My lack of an immune system prevented me from doing chemo, but it was my choice not to do it. My oldest son started using meth and my home was raided. He is now a felon and currently in jail. I blamed myself for so long because I basically just quit being a mom and let him do whatever he wanted hoping that he would make better choices. Then, it's almost as if all of the dark clouds sent hail the size of basketballs on top of my life when I discovered how horrible my father was to me. I will admit, I thought I was weak to the point where I didn't know how to get past that. Of course I know that I have plenty of bad days ahead, but it's like the missing pieces to my puzzle were found. My suppressed memories can be in the past now instead of waiting in the background. He is gone, and I am at peace. Sexually, I'm not sure if I can be able to trust a man enough to be the submissive I once thought I was. But my therapist said that as long as I am honest and open with people who I choose to have in my life about what happened, then I will never have to worry about being rejected later on. For the first time in a long time, I can feel Sarah waking up and smiling from ear to ear (I've always been known for my smile). Thank you so very much all of you whom have offered friendship and love to me. Thank you

3 months ago. Mon 12 Mar 2018 11:17:37 PM IST

I'm struggling with my entire sense of self since I had suppressed memories of being molested by my dad's friends and recorded for my dad. I thought I was meant to be a sub. But how is that possible when I can't even trust anybody anymore. I thought my mom didn't know but my dad told her repeatedly she just thought he was lying to her. I feel broken, dirty, shameful, and unlovable. I feel like no man could ever love me unconditionally and I don't think I could ever trust a man to do anything but hurt me and hate me. Is this feeling ever going to go away? I know people say that the right Dom will come along, but I don't even know if I should be a sub anymore. I feel like I just was meant to be alone for the rest of my life and that is so depressing I can't hardly stand it. If anybody has any advice for me, please tell me something that will help me get over this. And if there is a Dom out there somewhere in Kansas that is willing to help heal my broken soul please help me.

4 months ago. Mon 12 Feb 2018 11:25:03 AM IST

First of all, my outfit describes me exactly at the moment. Knee high neon green socks with blue toes, yoga pants, a blue T-shirt, a pink robe, and a blue with neon green dotted bandana. A humorously put together mess,  lol. 

My life is what I choose it to be.  If I want to be happy, I need to do what I need to do to get happy. Otherwise,  I will stay a victim. I'm too proud to be a victim of circumstance. I'm never going to let him control me ever again.  He is dead now. I win his sick, twisted game. I win,  not him. 

I have been questioning my place in the BDSM lifestyle.  I have never been lucky enough to formally be a sub, but I am curious about what it would be like to be a Mistress. The possibility of having the trust of a man to be the one who they listen to and want to please turns me on.  I wish I had others to mentor me. Help!!! 

4 months ago. Sat 03 Feb 2018 08:40:36 PM IST

I am really struggling with being able to trust anyone with letting skeletons out of my heart and it's affecting my life negatively.

I hadn't talked to my dad in 18 years (I will tell you why in a few). I had one brother but he died 3years ago. So when I was told that my dad was found dead in his duplex,  I was not prepared for what I was going to see.  He was killed, but he died 18 years ago to me. And yet,  I have tried to make peace with it by letting him rest. I took care of his cremation, kept my mouth shut, and kept uncovering the truth about the man who is half of my DNA. 

He lived a life that I felt responsible for.  It is indescribable how very sad this man had to be.  I was thankful he didn't have to live like that anymore. Until the day my childhood neighbor friend (only one who has been there for me) made me leave in a rush.  He told me that he found something and that I didn't need to be there at all. When we were leaving,  I grabbed a notebook he'd written in. Why'd I have to dig,  just keep digging? When I was washing the cockroach filth off of it,  I found letters to me and my mom. They were all so mean and hateful. Full of hatred. 

Memories of what made me eliminate him 18 years ago. My dad was a creepy biker with creepy biker friends.  When I turned into a young lady, my dad would ask me to go for rides with his friends. Scared to tell him no I went. Taken to a house where things were done to me and videotaped.  That's what my friend found.  Over a hundred vhs tapes labeled with blackmail evidence using me. Who does that and keeps the evidence of his daughter getting raped??  I adored my dad,  and he was pimping me out for his advantage. I wish I could hate him more,  but I can't. 

 

6 months ago. Thu 14 Dec 2017 11:24:16 AM IST

I often claim that I am just a simple girl from the middle of the middle...Kansas. The truth about me is that simple is a matter of perception. Of course, based on BDSM lifestyle experience, I am a wide eyed, curious, eager to learn, newbie with enough knowledge to know that experience is the only way I will ever truly learn what I want and what I don't want. It amazes me how much I learn about this lifestyle and how much I have yet to learn. I'm a researcher and learning is a gift to me. It is very unfortunate that I do live in an area where events and non-judgemental people are scarce. I'm also shy (or scared) to escape from here alone. I would love to find someone who will be a mentor to me and become a friend that would help me explore and attend events.

6 months ago. Sun 03 Dec 2017 06:33:34 AM IST

Being new to this lifestyle is exciting, yet scares the crap out me just the same.  I absolutely love reading blogs, but I have an appreciation that runs deep for those real Dom's who offer not only advice, pointers, red flags, and guidance. If it weren't for you, I am positive that I would be well on my way towards disaster because I am so eager to have the D/s relationship I have dreamed of for so long. Last week I almost got myself into a mess. It started out perfect. Then as red flag after red flags kept popping up, I would refer back to my past conversations for reassurance until I finally chose to end things with this fake Dom before it even began. So keep your blogs of advice to subs and words of wisdom coming, please. They saved me and many others from harm. How can I ever thank you for your time? Mwah

6 months ago. Wed 22 Nov 2017 10:15:03 PM IST

I'm learning more and more every day about this lifestyle. I have learned that there are just as many uneducated assholes on Fet as there are in every day Life. But iur community here is my favorite. Maybe it's the distance between all of us that keep us real and honest, I don't know. The struggle to find a Dom that I can trust completely on the internet is REAL. I'm so grateful for the opportunity to get advice from real Dom's of what to watch out for. I have weeded out many using guidelines they have set. I find it sexy when a man whom I have never even met offers himself and his wisdom not to mention the fact that they are protecting me. Thank you fellow Cagers!!!

7 months ago. Thu 16 Nov 2017 01:37:03 PM IST

I would love the input from any of the vets out there, please. This lifestyle is the most amazingly beautiful fantasy for me, I ache tremendously to live it. The more I discover, the wetter my panties get.

It all started by reading erotica books/novels/series. Then last summer, I was blessed with the good fortune of  chatting with a man who opened my eyes to a world I never knew existed. From the first chat with this man, I wanted only him and I wanted him to be who would transform me into this perfect sub made for only him. He lives in California, I live in Kansas. Both of us are not financially able to travel to meet and carry out my training. I have considered the option of being trained by a different Dom, but I only crave the man whom I have learned so much from already. 

I recently started reading an erotica novel that is about a sub training camp where the new subs have to perform scenes with a Dom selected by the trainers. They are taught the proper body language and the ways to answer a Dom, etc. Anyway, the main character and one if the trainers have a secret unsaid yearning for each other (which is forbidden). He gives her a protection collar to keep the other Dom's at Bay until training is over. 

My question is....Is it better to be properly trained by a man whom the sub has chosen to be her permanent Dom? Or is it better to be trained by more of a teacher-Dom...one that will turn you into a sub that only the luckiest Dom will have her.