Recently I decided to get back on track to lose weight and that was my first mistake. As someone who suffers from an eating disorder I know that’s the wrong mindset to have. I need to eat healthier and strive to have a healthy life. Changing my habits to lose weight is a never ending black hole. How much weight should I lose? When do I stop counting calories? When do I stop weighing myself serval times a day? It’s a exhausting. When I fell I fell hard. Nothing entered my body that I didn’t know how many calories was in it. The amount of calories in a single piece of cheese is scary. I worked out non stop and over obsessed about my appearance. I was what “society” said I should be on the outside I was hollow on the inside. I don’t look in the mirror and like who I see. But I don’t hate it either. I need work and I’ll work towards that but there’s always a chance of relapsing.
With that being said going down this path again is shaky it’s scary because sometimes you don’t see it happening it starts with little things and spirals. I want to be healthy for me but I know my past and what my mind is capable of.
I’ve come really far to living for me and not for others. However it’s a slippery slope and I’m not afraid to admit I think I’ll fail . I’ll fall to those voices saying more weight needs to go, that’s to many calories, no one will want you if you are fat. I need to do this for me but going in I know it won’t be easy it’ll be nothing short of a war zone.
